{"id":515,"date":"2014-07-09T21:18:59","date_gmt":"2014-07-09T21:18:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/englishliterature\/?post_type=chapter&p=515"},"modified":"2014-09-30T16:15:54","modified_gmt":"2014-09-30T16:15:54","slug":"the-importance-of-being-earnest-act-ii","status":"publish","type":"chapter","link":"https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/englishliterature\/chapter\/the-importance-of-being-earnest-act-ii\/","title":{"raw":"The Importance of Being Earnest: Act II","rendered":"The Importance of Being Earnest: Act II"},"content":{"raw":"
\r\n\r\n<\/b>SCENE<\/b>\r\n\r\nGarden at the Manor House.\u00a0 A flight of grey stone steps leads up to the house.\u00a0 The garden, an old-fashioned one, full of roses.\u00a0 Time of year, July.\u00a0 Basket chairs, and a table covered with books, are set under a large yew-tree.\r\n\r\n[Miss Prism<\/b>[footnote]The prim and proper Mrs. Prism calls to mind Mrs. General in Charles Dickens\u2019s Little Dorrit<\/em> (1857), a teacher of manners for young ladies, who has the Dorrit girls repeat \u201cprunes and prism\u201d in order to give a pretty form to the lips.[\/footnote]\u00a0discovered seated at the table.\u00a0 Cecily<\/b> is at the back watering flowers.]\r\n\r\nMiss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 [Calling.]\u00a0 Cecily, Cecily!\u00a0 Surely such a utilitarian occupation as the watering of flowers is rather Moulton\u2019s duty than yours?\u00a0 Especially at a moment when intellectual pleasures await you.\u00a0 Your German grammar is on the table.\u00a0 Pray open it at page fifteen.\u00a0 We will repeat yesterday\u2019s lesson.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 [Coming over very slowly.]\u00a0 But I don\u2019t like German.\u00a0 It isn\u2019t at all a becoming language.\u00a0 I know perfectly well that I look quite plain after my German lesson.\r\n\r\nMiss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 Child, you know how anxious your guardian is that you should improve yourself in every way.\u00a0 He laid particular stress on your German, as he was leaving for town yesterday.\u00a0 Indeed, he always lays stress on your German when he is leaving for town.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Dear Uncle Jack is so very serious!\u00a0 Sometimes he is so serious that I think he cannot be quite well.\r\n\r\nMiss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 [Drawing herself up.]\u00a0 Your guardian enjoys the best of health, and his gravity of demeanour is especially to be commended in one so comparatively young as he is.\u00a0 I know no one who has a higher sense of duty and responsibility.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 I suppose that is why he often looks a little bored when we three are together.\r\n\r\nMiss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 Cecily!\u00a0 I am surprised at you.\u00a0 Mr. Worthing has many troubles in his life.\u00a0 Idle merriment and triviality would be out of place in his conversation.\u00a0 You must remember his constant anxiety about that unfortunate young man his brother.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 I wish Uncle Jack would allow that unfortunate young man, his brother, to come down here sometimes.\u00a0 We might have a good influence over him, Miss Prism.\u00a0 I am sure you certainly would.\u00a0 You know German, and geology, and things of that kind influence a man very much.\u00a0 [Cecily<\/b> begins to write in her diary.]\r\n\r\nMiss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 [Shaking her head.]\u00a0 I do not think that even I could produce any effect on a character that according to his own brother\u2019s admission is irretrievably weak and vacillating.\u00a0 Indeed I am not sure that I would desire to reclaim him.\u00a0 I am not in favour of this modern mania for turning bad people into good people at a moment\u2019s notice.\u00a0 As a man sows so let him reap[footnote]cf. Galatians 6:7, \u201cWhatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.\u201d[\/footnote].\u00a0 You must put away your diary, Cecily.\u00a0 I really don\u2019t see why you should keep a diary at all.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 I keep a diary in order to enter the wonderful secrets of my life.\u00a0 If I didn\u2019t write them down, I should probably forget all about them.\r\n\r\nMiss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 Memory, my dear Cecily, is the diary that we all carry about with us.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Yes, but it usually chronicles the things that have never happened, and couldn\u2019t possibly have happened.\u00a0 I believe that Memory is responsible for nearly all the three-volume novels that Mudie[footnote]A lending library, founded in 1842 by Charles Mudie.[\/footnote]\u00a0sends us.\r\n\r\nMiss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 Do not speak slightingly of the three-volume novel, Cecily.\u00a0 I wrote one myself in earlier days.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Did you really, Miss Prism?\u00a0 How wonderfully clever you are!\u00a0 I hope it did not end happily?\u00a0 I don\u2019t like novels that end happily.\u00a0 They depress me so much.\r\n\r\nMiss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 The good ended happily, and the bad unhappily.\u00a0 That is what Fiction means.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 I suppose so.\u00a0 But it seems very unfair.\u00a0 And was your novel ever published?\r\n\r\nMiss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 Alas! no.\u00a0 The manuscript unfortunately was abandoned.\u00a0 [Cecily<\/b> starts.]\u00a0 I use the word in the sense of lost or mislaid.\u00a0 To your work, child, these speculations are profitless.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 [Smiling.]\u00a0 But I see dear Dr. Chasuble[footnote]The main vestment worn by the priest when celebrating mass.[\/footnote]\u00a0coming up through the garden.\r\n\r\nMiss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 [Rising and advancing.]\u00a0 Dr. Chasuble!\u00a0 This is indeed a pleasure.\r\n\r\n[Enter Canon Chasuble<\/b>.]\r\n\r\nChasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 And how are we this morning?\u00a0 Miss Prism, you are, I trust, well?\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Miss Prism has just been complaining of a slight headache.\u00a0 I think it would do her so much good to have a short stroll with you in the Park, Dr. Chasuble.\r\n\r\nMiss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 Cecily, I have not mentioned anything about a headache.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 No, dear Miss Prism, I know that, but I felt instinctively that you had a headache.\u00a0 Indeed I was thinking about that, and not about my German lesson, when the Rector came in.\r\n\r\nChasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 I hope, Cecily, you are not inattentive.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh, I am afraid I am.\r\n\r\nChasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 That is strange.\u00a0 Were I fortunate enough to be Miss Prism\u2019s pupil, I would hang upon her lips.\u00a0 [Miss Prism<\/b> glares.]\u00a0 I spoke metaphorically.\u2014My metaphor was drawn from bees.\u00a0 Ahem!\u00a0 Mr. Worthing, I suppose, has not returned from town yet?\r\n\r\nMiss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 We do not expect him till Monday afternoon.\r\n\r\nChasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 Ah yes, he usually likes to spend his Sunday in London.\u00a0 He is not one of those whose sole aim is enjoyment, as, by all accounts, that unfortunate young man his brother seems to be.\u00a0 But I must not disturb Egeria[footnote]Proverbially a guide or counsellor, after the nymph who instructed Numa Pompilius, second king of Rome (753-673 BC).[\/footnote]\u00a0and her pupil any longer.\r\n\r\nMiss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 Egeria?\u00a0 My name is L\u00e6titia, Doctor.\r\n\r\nChasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 [Bowing.]\u00a0 A classical allusion merely, drawn from the Pagan authors.\u00a0 I shall see you both no doubt at Evensong?\r\n\r\nMiss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 I think, dear Doctor, I will have a stroll with you.\u00a0 I find I have a headache after all, and a walk might do it good.\r\n\r\nChasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 With pleasure, Miss Prism, with pleasure.\u00a0 We might go as far as the schools and back.\r\n\r\nMiss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 That would be delightful.\u00a0 Cecily, you will read your Political Economy[footnote]Economics.[\/footnote]\u00a0in my absence.\u00a0 The chapter on the Fall of the Rupee you may omit.\u00a0 It is somewhat too sensational.\u00a0 Even these metallic problems have their melodramatic side.\r\n\r\n[Goes down the garden with Dr. Chasuble<\/b>.]\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 [Picks up books and throws them back on table.]\u00a0 Horrid Political Economy!\u00a0 Horrid Geography!\u00a0 Horrid, horrid German!\r\n\r\n[Enter Merriman<\/b> with a card on a salver.]\r\n\r\nMerriman<\/b>.\u00a0 Mr. Ernest Worthing has just driven over from the station.\u00a0 He has brought his luggage with him.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 [Takes the card and reads it.]\u00a0 \u2018Mr. Ernest Worthing, B. 4, The Albany, W.\u2019\u00a0 Uncle Jack\u2019s brother!\u00a0 Did you tell him Mr. Worthing was in town?\r\n\r\nMerriman<\/b>.\u00a0 Yes, Miss.\u00a0 He seemed very much disappointed.\u00a0 I mentioned that you and Miss Prism were in the garden.\u00a0 He said he was anxious to speak to you privately for a moment.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Ask Mr. Ernest Worthing to come here.\u00a0 I suppose you had better talk to the housekeeper about a room for him.\r\n\r\nMerriman<\/b>.\u00a0 Yes, Miss.\r\n\r\n[Merriman<\/b> goes off.]\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 I have never met any really wicked person before.\u00a0 I feel rather frightened.\u00a0 I am so afraid he will look just like every one else.\r\n\r\n[Enter Algernon<\/b>, very gay and debonnair.]\u00a0 He does!\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 [Raising his hat.]\u00a0 You are my little cousin Cecily, I\u2019m sure.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 You are under some strange mistake.\u00a0 I am not little.\u00a0 In fact, I believe I am more than usually tall for my age.\u00a0 [Algernon<\/b> is rather taken aback.]\u00a0 But I am your cousin Cecily.\u00a0 You, I see from your card, are Uncle Jack\u2019s brother, my cousin Ernest, my wicked cousin Ernest.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh! I am not really wicked at all, cousin Cecily.\u00a0 You mustn\u2019t think that I am wicked.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 If you are not, then you have certainly been deceiving us all in a very inexcusable manner.\u00a0 I hope you have not been leading a double life, pretending to be wicked and being really good all the time.\u00a0 That would be hypocrisy.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 [Looks at her in amazement.]\u00a0 Oh!\u00a0 Of course I have been rather reckless.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 I am glad to hear it.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 In fact, now you mention the subject, I have been very bad in my own small way.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 I don\u2019t think you should be so proud of that, though I am sure it must have been very pleasant.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 It is much pleasanter being here with you.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 I can\u2019t understand how you are here at all.\u00a0 Uncle Jack won\u2019t be back till Monday afternoon.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 That is a great disappointment.\u00a0 I am obliged to go up by the first train on Monday morning.\u00a0 I have a business appointment that I am anxious . . . to miss?\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Couldn\u2019t you miss it anywhere but in London?\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 No: the appointment is in London.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Well, I know, of course, how important it is not to keep a business engagement, if one wants to retain any sense of the beauty of life, but still I think you had better wait till Uncle Jack arrives.\u00a0 I know he wants to speak to you about your emigrating.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 About my what?\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Your emigrating.\u00a0 He has gone up to buy your outfit.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 I certainly wouldn\u2019t let Jack buy my outfit.\u00a0 He has no taste in neckties at all.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 I don\u2019t think you will require neckties.\u00a0 Uncle Jack is sending you to Australia.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Australia!\u00a0 I\u2019d sooner die.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Well, he said at dinner on Wednesday night, that you would have to choose between this world, the next world, and Australia.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh, well!\u00a0 The accounts I have received of Australia and the next world, are not particularly encouraging.\u00a0 This world is good enough for me, cousin Cecily.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Yes, but are you good enough for it?\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 I\u2019m afraid I\u2019m not that.\u00a0 That is why I want you to reform me.\u00a0 You might make that your mission, if you don\u2019t mind, cousin Cecily.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 I\u2019m afraid I\u2019ve no time, this afternoon.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Well, would you mind my reforming myself this afternoon?\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 It is rather Quixotic of you.\u00a0 But I think you should try.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 I will.\u00a0 I feel better already.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 You are looking a little worse.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 That is because I am hungry.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 How thoughtless of me.\u00a0 I should have remembered that when one is going to lead an entirely new life, one requires regular and wholesome meals.\u00a0 Won\u2019t you come in?\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Thank you.\u00a0 Might I have a buttonhole[footnote]A flower worn in the buttonhole of the lapel of a jacket. A trademark of former Canadian Prime Minister Pierre Elliott Trudeau (1919-2000).[\/footnote]\u00a0first?\u00a0 I never have any appetite unless I have a buttonhole first.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 A Marechal Niel[footnote]A yellow rose.[\/footnote]?\u00a0 [Picks up scissors.]\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 No, I\u2019d sooner have a pink rose.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Why?\u00a0 [Cuts a flower.]\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Because you are like a pink rose, Cousin Cecily.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 I don\u2019t think it can be right for you to talk to me like that.\u00a0 Miss Prism never says such things to me.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Then Miss Prism is a short-sighted old lady.\u00a0 [Cecily<\/b> puts the rose in his buttonhole.]\u00a0 You are the prettiest girl I ever saw.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Miss Prism says that all good looks are a snare.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 They are a snare that every sensible man would like to be caught in.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh, I don\u2019t think I would care to catch a sensible man.\u00a0 I shouldn\u2019t know what to talk to him about.\r\n\r\n[They pass into the house.\u00a0 Miss Prism<\/b> and Dr. Chasuble<\/b> return.]\r\n\r\nMiss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 You are too much alone, dear Dr. Chasuble.\u00a0 You should get married.\u00a0 A misanthrope I can understand\u2014a womanthrope, never!\r\n\r\nChasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 [With a scholar\u2019s shudder.]\u00a0 Believe me, I do not deserve so neologistic[footnote]Newly coined word. Chasuble would have expected \u201cmisogynist.\u201d[\/footnote]\u00a0a phrase.\u00a0 The precept as well as the practice of the Primitive Church[footnote]Early Christian church of the first to fourth centuries.[\/footnote]\u00a0was distinctly against matrimony.\r\n\r\nMiss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 [Sententiously.]\u00a0 That is obviously the reason why the Primitive Church has not lasted up to the present day.\u00a0 And you do not seem to realise, dear Doctor, that by persistently remaining single, a man converts himself into a permanent public temptation.\u00a0 Men should be more careful; this very celibacy leads weaker vessels astray.\r\n\r\nChasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 But is a man not equally attractive when married?\r\n\r\nMiss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 No married man is ever attractive except to his wife.\r\n\r\nChasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 And often, I\u2019ve been told, not even to her.\r\n\r\nMiss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 That depends on the intellectual sympathies of the woman.\u00a0 Maturity can always be depended on.\u00a0 Ripeness can be trusted.\u00a0 Young women are green.\u00a0 [Dr. Chasuble<\/b> starts.]\u00a0 I spoke horticulturally.\u00a0 My metaphor was drawn from fruits.\u00a0 But where is Cecily?\r\n\r\nChasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 Perhaps she followed us to the schools.\r\n\r\n[Enter Jack<\/b> slowly from the back of the garden.\u00a0 He is dressed in the deepest mourning, with crape hatband and black gloves.]\r\n\r\nMiss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 Mr. Worthing!\r\n\r\nChasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 Mr. Worthing?\r\n\r\nMiss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 This is indeed a surprise.\u00a0 We did not look for you till Monday afternoon.\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 [Shakes Miss Prism\u2019s<\/b> hand in a tragic manner.]\u00a0 I have returned sooner than I expected.\u00a0 Dr. Chasuble, I hope you are well?\r\n\r\nChasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 Dear Mr. Worthing, I trust this garb of woe does not betoken some terrible calamity?\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 My brother.\r\n\r\nMiss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 More shameful debts and extravagance?\r\n\r\nChasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 Still leading his life of pleasure?\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 [Shaking his head.]\u00a0 Dead!\r\n\r\nChasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 Your brother Ernest dead?\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 Quite dead.\r\n\r\nMiss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 What a lesson for him!\u00a0 I trust he will profit by it.\r\n\r\nChasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 Mr. Worthing, I offer you my sincere condolence.\u00a0 You have at least the consolation of knowing that you were always the most generous and forgiving of brothers.\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 Poor Ernest!\u00a0 He had many faults, but it is a sad, sad blow.\r\n\r\nChasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 Very sad indeed.\u00a0 Were you with him at the end?\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 No.\u00a0 He died abroad; in Paris, in fact.\u00a0 I had a telegram last night from the manager of the Grand Hotel.\r\n\r\nChasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 Was the cause of death mentioned?\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 A severe chill, it seems.\r\n\r\nMiss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 As a man sows, so shall he reap.\r\n\r\nChasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 [Raising his hand.]\u00a0 Charity, dear Miss Prism, charity!\u00a0 None of us are perfect.\u00a0 I myself am peculiarly susceptible to draughts.\u00a0 Will the interment take place here?\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 No.\u00a0 He seems to have expressed a desire to be buried in Paris.\r\n\r\nChasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 In Paris!\u00a0 [Shakes his head.]\u00a0 I fear that hardly points to any very serious state of mind at the last.\u00a0 You would no doubt wish me to make some slight allusion to this tragic domestic affliction next Sunday.\u00a0 [Jack<\/b> presses his hand convulsively.]\u00a0 My sermon on the meaning of the manna[footnote]Miraculous food provided for the children of Israel in their journey from Egypt to the Holy Land. See Exodus16: 14-36.[\/footnote]\u00a0in the wilderness can be adapted to almost any occasion, joyful, or, as in the present case, distressing.\u00a0 [All sigh.]\u00a0 I have preached it at harvest celebrations, christenings, confirmations, on days of humiliation and festal days.\u00a0 The last time I delivered it was in the Cathedral, as a charity sermon on behalf of the Society for the Prevention of Discontent among the Upper Orders.\u00a0 The Bishop, who was present, was much struck by some of the analogies I drew.\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 Ah! that reminds me, you mentioned christenings I think, Dr. Chasuble?\u00a0 I suppose you know how to christen all right?\u00a0 [Dr. Chasuble<\/b> looks astounded.]\u00a0 I mean, of course, you are continually christening, aren\u2019t you?\r\n\r\nMiss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 It is, I regret to say, one of the Rector\u2019s most constant duties in this parish.\u00a0 I have often spoken to the poorer classes on the subject.\u00a0 But they don\u2019t seem to know what thrift is.\r\n\r\nChasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 But is there any particular infant in whom you are interested, Mr. Worthing?\u00a0 Your brother was, I believe, unmarried, was he not?\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh yes.\r\n\r\nMiss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 [Bitterly.]\u00a0 People who live entirely for pleasure usually are.\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 But it is not for any child, dear Doctor.\u00a0 I am very fond of children.\u00a0 No! the fact is, I would like to be christened myself, this afternoon, if you have nothing better to do.\r\n\r\nChasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 But surely, Mr. Worthing, you have been christened already?\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 I don\u2019t remember anything about it.\r\n\r\nChasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 But have you any grave doubts on the subject?\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 I certainly intend to have.\u00a0 Of course I don\u2019t know if the thing would bother you in any way, or if you think I am a little too old now.\r\n\r\nChasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 Not at all.\u00a0 The sprinkling, and, indeed, the immersion of adults is a perfectly canonical practice.\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 Immersion!\r\n\r\nChasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 You need have no apprehensions.\u00a0 Sprinkling is all that is necessary, or indeed I think advisable.\u00a0 Our weather is so changeable.\u00a0 At what hour would you wish the ceremony performed?\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh, I might trot round about five if that would suit you.\r\n\r\nChasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 Perfectly, perfectly!\u00a0 In fact I have two similar ceremonies to perform at that time.\u00a0 A case of twins that occurred recently in one of the outlying cottages on your own estate.\u00a0 Poor Jenkins the carter, a most hard-working man.\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh!\u00a0 I don\u2019t see much fun in being christened along with other babies.\u00a0 It would be childish.\u00a0 Would half-past five do?\r\n\r\nChasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 Admirably!\u00a0 Admirably!\u00a0 [Takes out watch.]\u00a0 And now, dear Mr. Worthing, I will not intrude any longer into a house of sorrow.\u00a0 I would merely beg you not to be too much bowed down by grief.\u00a0 What seem to us bitter trials are often blessings in disguise.\r\n\r\nMiss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 This seems to me a blessing of an extremely obvious kind.\r\n\r\n[Enter Cecily<\/b> from the house.]\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Uncle Jack!\u00a0 Oh, I am pleased to see you back.\u00a0 But what horrid clothes you have got on!\u00a0 Do go and change them.\r\n\r\nMiss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 Cecily!\r\n\r\nChasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 My child! my child!\u00a0 [Cecily<\/b> goes towards Jack<\/b>; he kisses her brow in a melancholy manner.]\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 What is the matter, Uncle Jack?\u00a0 Do look happy!\u00a0 You look as if you had toothache, and I have got such a surprise for you.\u00a0 Who do you think is in the dining-room?\u00a0 Your brother!\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 Who?\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Your brother Ernest.\u00a0 He arrived about half an hour ago.\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 What nonsense!\u00a0 I haven\u2019t got a brother.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh, don\u2019t say that.\u00a0 However badly he may have behaved to you in the past he is still your brother.\u00a0 You couldn\u2019t be so heartless as to disown him.\u00a0 I\u2019ll tell him to come out.\u00a0 And you will shake hands with him, won\u2019t you, Uncle Jack?\u00a0 [Runs back into the house.]\r\n\r\nChasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 These are very joyful tidings.\r\n\r\nMiss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 After we had all been resigned to his loss, his sudden return seems to me peculiarly distressing.\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 My brother is in the dining-room?\u00a0 I don\u2019t know what it all means.\u00a0 I think it is perfectly absurd.\r\n\r\n[Enter Algernon<\/b> and Cecily<\/b> hand in hand.\u00a0 They come slowly up to Jack<\/b>.]\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 Good heavens!\u00a0 [Motions Algernon<\/b> away.]\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Brother John, I have come down from town to tell you that I am very sorry for all the trouble I have given you, and that I intend to lead a better life in the future.\u00a0 [Jack<\/b> glares at him and does not take his hand.]\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Uncle Jack, you are not going to refuse your own brother\u2019s hand?\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 Nothing will induce me to take his hand.\u00a0 I think his coming down here disgraceful.\u00a0 He knows perfectly well why.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Uncle Jack, do be nice.\u00a0 There is some good in every one.\u00a0 Ernest has just been telling me about his poor invalid friend Mr. Bunbury whom he goes to visit so often.\u00a0 And surely there must be much good in one who is kind to an invalid, and leaves the pleasures of London to sit by a bed of pain.\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh! he has been talking about Bunbury, has he?\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Yes, he has told me all about poor Mr. Bunbury, and his terrible state of health.\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 Bunbury!\u00a0 Well, I won\u2019t have him talk to you about Bunbury or about anything else.\u00a0 It is enough to drive one perfectly frantic.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Of course I admit that the faults were all on my side.\u00a0 But I must say that I think that Brother John\u2019s coldness to me is peculiarly painful.\u00a0 I expected a more enthusiastic welcome, especially considering it is the first time I have come here.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Uncle Jack, if you don\u2019t shake hands with Ernest I will never forgive you.\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 Never forgive me?\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Never, never, never!\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 Well, this is the last time I shall ever do it.\u00a0 [Shakes with Algernon<\/b> and glares.]\r\n\r\nChasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 It\u2019s pleasant, is it not, to see so perfect a reconciliation?\u00a0 I think we might leave the two brothers together.\r\n\r\nMiss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 Cecily, you will come with us.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Certainly, Miss Prism.\u00a0 My little task of reconciliation is over.\r\n\r\nChasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 You have done a beautiful action to-day, dear child.\r\n\r\nMiss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 We must not be premature in our judgments.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 I feel very happy.\u00a0 [They all go off except Jack<\/b> and Algernon<\/b>.]\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 You young scoundrel, Algy, you must get out of this place as soon as possible.\u00a0 I don\u2019t allow any Bunburying here.\r\n\r\n[Enter Merriman<\/b>.]\r\n\r\nMerriman<\/b>.\u00a0 I have put Mr. Ernest\u2019s things in the room next to yours, sir.\u00a0 I suppose that is all right?\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 What?\r\n\r\nMerriman.<\/b>\u00a0 Mr. Ernest\u2019s luggage, sir.\u00a0 I have unpacked it and put it in the room next to your own.\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 His luggage?\r\n\r\nMerriman.<\/b>\u00a0 Yes, sir.\u00a0 Three portmanteaus, a dressing-case, two hat-boxes, and a large luncheon-basket.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 I am afraid I can\u2019t stay more than a week this time.\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 Merriman, order the dog-cart[footnote]A light, horse-drawn carriage, with a box for carrying dogs, originally used for hunting.[\/footnote]\u00a0at once.\u00a0 Mr. Ernest has been suddenly called back to town.\r\n\r\nMerriman.<\/b>\u00a0 Yes, sir.\u00a0 [Goes back into the house.]\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 What a fearful liar you are, Jack.\u00a0 I have not been called back to town at all.\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 Yes, you have.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 I haven\u2019t heard any one call me.\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 Your duty as a gentleman calls you back.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 My duty as a gentleman has never interfered with my pleasures in the smallest degree.\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 I can quite understand that.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Well, Cecily is a darling.\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 You are not to talk of Miss Cardew like that.\u00a0 I don\u2019t like it.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Well, I don\u2019t like your clothes.\u00a0 You look perfectly ridiculous in them.\u00a0 Why on earth don\u2019t you go up and change?\u00a0 It is perfectly childish to be in deep mourning for a man who is actually staying for a whole week with you in your house as a guest.\u00a0 I call it grotesque.\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 You are certainly not staying with me for a whole week as a guest or anything else.\u00a0 You have got to leave . . . by the four-five train.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 I certainly won\u2019t leave you so long as you are in mourning.\u00a0 It would be most unfriendly.\u00a0 If I were in mourning you would stay with me, I suppose.\u00a0 I should think it very unkind if you didn\u2019t.\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 Well, will you go if I change my clothes?\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Yes, if you are not too long.\u00a0 I never saw anybody take so long to dress, and with such little result.\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 Well, at any rate, that is better than being always over-dressed as you are.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 If I am occasionally a little over-dressed, I make up for it by being always immensely over-educated.\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 Your vanity is ridiculous, your conduct an outrage, and your presence in my garden utterly absurd.\u00a0 However, you have got to catch the four-five, and I hope you will have a pleasant journey back to town.\u00a0 This Bunburying, as you call it, has not been a great success for you.\r\n\r\n[Goes into the house.]\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 I think it has been a great success.\u00a0 I\u2019m in love with Cecily, and that is everything.\r\n\r\n[Enter Cecily<\/b> at the back of the garden.\u00a0 She picks up the can and begins to water the flowers.]\u00a0 But I must see her before I go, and make arrangements for another Bunbury.\u00a0 Ah, there she is.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh, I merely came back to water the roses.\u00a0 I thought you were with Uncle Jack.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 He\u2019s gone to order the dog-cart for me.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh, is he going to take you for a nice drive?\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 He\u2019s going to send me away.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Then have we got to part?\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 I am afraid so.\u00a0 It\u2019s a very painful parting.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 It is always painful to part from people whom one has known for a very brief space of time.\u00a0 The absence of old friends one can endure with equanimity.\u00a0 But even a momentary separation from anyone to whom one has just been introduced is almost unbearable.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Thank you.\r\n\r\n[Enter Merriman<\/b>.]\r\n\r\nMerriman.<\/b>\u00a0 The dog-cart is at the door, sir.\u00a0 [Algernon<\/b> looks appealingly at Cecily<\/b>.]\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 It can wait, Merriman for . . . five minutes.\r\n\r\nMerriman.<\/b>\u00a0 Yes, Miss.\u00a0 [Exit Merriman<\/b>.]\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 I hope, Cecily, I shall not offend you if I state quite frankly and openly that you seem to me to be in every way the visible personification of absolute perfection.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 I think your frankness does you great credit, Ernest.\u00a0 If you will allow me, I will copy your remarks into my diary.\u00a0 [Goes over to table and begins writing in diary.]\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Do you really keep a diary?\u00a0 I\u2019d give anything to look at it.\u00a0 May I?\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh no.\u00a0 [Puts her hand over it.]\u00a0 You see, it is simply a very young girl\u2019s record of her own thoughts and impressions, and consequently meant for publication.\u00a0 When it appears in volume form I hope you will order a copy.\u00a0 But pray, Ernest, don\u2019t stop.\u00a0 I delight in taking down from dictation.\u00a0 I have reached \u2018absolute perfection\u2019.\u00a0 You can go on.\u00a0 I am quite ready for more.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 [Somewhat taken aback.]\u00a0 Ahem!\u00a0 Ahem!\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh, don\u2019t cough, Ernest.\u00a0 When one is dictating one should speak fluently and not cough.\u00a0 Besides, I don\u2019t know how to spell a cough.\u00a0 [Writes as Algernon<\/b> speaks.]\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 [Speaking very rapidly.]\u00a0 Cecily, ever since I first looked upon your wonderful and incomparable beauty, I have dared to love you wildly, passionately, devotedly, hopelessly.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 I don\u2019t think that you should tell me that you love me wildly, passionately, devotedly, hopelessly.\u00a0 Hopelessly doesn\u2019t seem to make much sense, does it?\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Cecily!\r\n\r\n[Enter Merriman<\/b>.]\r\n\r\nMerriman.<\/b>\u00a0 The dog-cart is waiting, sir.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Tell it to come round next week, at the same hour.\r\n\r\nMerriman.<\/b>\u00a0 [Looks at Cecily<\/b>, who makes no sign.]\u00a0 Yes, sir.\r\n\r\n[Merriman<\/b> retires.]\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Uncle Jack would be very much annoyed if he knew you were staying on till next week, at the same hour.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh, I don\u2019t care about Jack.\u00a0 I don\u2019t care for anybody in the whole world but you.\u00a0 I love you, Cecily.\u00a0 You will marry me, won\u2019t you?\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 You silly boy!\u00a0 Of course.\u00a0 Why, we have been engaged for the last three months.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 For the last three months?\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Yes, it will be exactly three months on Thursday.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 But how did we become engaged?\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Well, ever since dear Uncle Jack first confessed to us that he had a younger brother who was very wicked and bad, you of course have formed the chief topic of conversation between myself and Miss Prism.\u00a0 And of course a man who is much talked about is always very attractive.\u00a0 One feels there must be something in him, after all.\u00a0 I daresay it was foolish of me, but I fell in love with you, Ernest.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Darling!\u00a0 And when was the engagement actually settled?\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 On the 14th of February last.\u00a0 Worn out by your entire ignorance of my existence, I determined to end the matter one way or the other, and after a long struggle with myself I accepted you under this dear old tree here.\u00a0 The next day I bought this little ring in your name, and this is the little bangle with the true lover\u2019s knot I promised you always to wear.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Did I give you this?\u00a0 It\u2019s very pretty, isn\u2019t it?\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Yes, you\u2019ve wonderfully good taste, Ernest.\u00a0 It\u2019s the excuse I\u2019ve always given for your leading such a bad life.\u00a0 And this is the box in which I keep all your dear letters.\u00a0 [Kneels at table, opens box, and produces letters tied up with blue ribbon.]\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 My letters!\u00a0 But, my own sweet Cecily, I have never written you any letters.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 You need hardly remind me of that, Ernest.\u00a0 I remember only too well that I was forced to write your letters for you.\u00a0 I wrote always three times a week, and sometimes oftener.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh, do let me read them, Cecily?\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh, I couldn\u2019t possibly.\u00a0 They would make you far too conceited.\u00a0 [Replaces box.]\u00a0 The three you wrote me after I had broken off the engagement are so beautiful, and so badly spelled, that even now I can hardly read them without crying a little.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 But was our engagement ever broken off?\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Of course it was.\u00a0 On the 22nd of last March.\u00a0 You can see the entry if you like. [Shows diary.]\u00a0 \u2018To-day I broke off my engagement with Ernest.\u00a0 I feel it is better to do so.\u00a0 The weather still continues charming.\u2019\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 But why on earth did you break it off?\u00a0 What had I done?\u00a0 I had done nothing at all.\u00a0 Cecily, I am very much hurt indeed to hear you broke it off.\u00a0 Particularly when the weather was so charming.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 It would hardly have been a really serious engagement if it hadn\u2019t been broken off at least once.\u00a0 But I forgave you before the week was out.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 [Crossing to her, and kneeling.]\u00a0 What a perfect angel you are, Cecily.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 You dear romantic boy.\u00a0 [He kisses her, she puts her fingers through his hair.]\u00a0 I hope your hair curls naturally, does it?\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Yes, darling, with a little help from others.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 I am so glad.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 You\u2019ll never break off our engagement again, Cecily?\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 I don\u2019t think I could break it off now that I have actually met you.\u00a0 Besides, of course, there is the question of your name.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Yes, of course.\u00a0 [Nervously.]\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 You must not laugh at me, darling, but it had always been a girlish dream of mine to love some one whose name was Ernest.\u00a0 [Algernon<\/b> rises, Cecily<\/b> also.]\u00a0 There is something in that name that seems to inspire absolute confidence.\u00a0 I pity any poor married woman whose husband is not called Ernest.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 But, my dear child, do you mean to say you could not love me if I had some other name?\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 But what name?\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh, any name you like\u2014Algernon\u2014for instance . . .\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 But I don\u2019t like the name of Algernon.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Well, my own dear, sweet, loving little darling, I really can\u2019t see why you should object to the name of Algernon.\u00a0 It is not at all a bad name.\u00a0 In fact, it is rather an aristocratic name.\u00a0 Half of the chaps who get into the Bankruptcy Court are called Algernon.\u00a0 But seriously, Cecily . . . [Moving to her] . . . if my name was Algy, couldn\u2019t you love me?\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 [Rising.]\u00a0 I might respect you, Ernest, I might admire your character, but I fear that I should not be able to give you my undivided attention.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Ahem!\u00a0 Cecily!\u00a0 [Picking up hat.]\u00a0 Your Rector here is, I suppose, thoroughly experienced in the practice of all the rites and ceremonials of the Church?\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh, yes.\u00a0 Dr. Chasuble is a most learned man.\u00a0 He has never written a single book, so you can imagine how much he knows.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 I must see him at once on a most important christening\u2014I mean on most important business.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh!\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 I shan\u2019t be away more than half an hour.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Considering that we have been engaged since February the 14th, and that I only met you to-day for the first time, I think it is rather hard that you should leave me for so long a period as half an hour.\u00a0 Couldn\u2019t you make it twenty minutes?\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 I\u2019ll be back in no time.\r\n\r\n[Kisses her and rushes down the garden.]\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 What an impetuous boy he is!\u00a0 I like his hair so much.\u00a0 I must enter his proposal in my diary.\r\n\r\n[Enter Merriman<\/b>.]\r\n\r\nMerriman.<\/b>\u00a0 A Miss Fairfax has just called to see Mr. Worthing.\u00a0 On very important business, Miss Fairfax states.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Isn\u2019t Mr. Worthing in his library?\r\n\r\nMerriman.<\/b>\u00a0 Mr. Worthing went over in the direction of the Rectory some time ago.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Pray ask the lady to come out here; Mr. Worthing is sure to be back soon.\u00a0 And you can bring tea.\r\n\r\nMerriman.<\/b>\u00a0 Yes, Miss.\u00a0 [Goes out.]\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Miss Fairfax!\u00a0 I suppose one of the many good elderly women who are associated with Uncle Jack in some of his philanthropic work in London.\u00a0 I don\u2019t quite like women who are interested in philanthropic work.\u00a0 I think it is so forward of them.\r\n\r\n[Enter Merriman<\/b>.]\r\n\r\nMerriman.<\/b>\u00a0 Miss Fairfax.\r\n\r\n[Enter Gwendolen<\/b>.]\r\n\r\n[Exit Merriman<\/b>.]\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 [Advancing to meet her.]\u00a0 Pray let me introduce myself to you.\u00a0 My name is Cecily Cardew.\r\n\r\nGwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 Cecily Cardew?\u00a0 [Moving to her and shaking hands.]\u00a0 What a very sweet name!\u00a0 Something tells me that we are going to be great friends.\u00a0 I like you already more than I can say.\u00a0 My first impressions of people are never wrong.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 How nice of you to like me so much after we have known each other such a comparatively short time.\u00a0 Pray sit down.\r\n\r\nGwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 [Still standing up.]\u00a0 I may call you Cecily, may I not?\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 With pleasure!\r\n\r\nGwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 And you will always call me Gwendolen, won\u2019t you?\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 If you wish.\r\n\r\nGwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 Then that is all quite settled, is it not?\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 I hope so.\u00a0 [A pause.\u00a0 They both sit down together.]\r\n\r\nGwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 Perhaps this might be a favourable opportunity for my mentioning who I am.\u00a0 My father is Lord Bracknell.\u00a0 You have never heard of papa, I suppose?\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 I don\u2019t think so.\r\n\r\nGwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 Outside the family circle, papa, I am glad to say, is entirely unknown.\u00a0 I think that is quite as it should be.\u00a0 The home seems to me to be the proper sphere for the man.\u00a0 And certainly once a man begins to neglect his domestic duties he becomes painfully effeminate, does he not?\u00a0 And I don\u2019t like that.\u00a0 It makes men so very attractive.\u00a0 Cecily, mamma, whose views on education are remarkably strict, has brought me up to be extremely short-sighted; it is part of her system; so do you mind my looking at you through my glasses?\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh! not at all, Gwendolen.\u00a0 I am very fond of being looked at.\r\n\r\nGwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 [After examining Cecily<\/b> carefully through a lorgnette.]\u00a0 You are here on a short visit, I suppose.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh no!\u00a0 I live here.\r\n\r\nGwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 [Severely.]\u00a0 Really?\u00a0 Your mother, no doubt, or some female relative of advanced years, resides here also?\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh no!\u00a0 I have no mother, nor, in fact, any relations.\r\n\r\nGwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 Indeed?\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 My dear guardian, with the assistance of Miss Prism, has the arduous task of looking after me.\r\n\r\nGwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 Your guardian?\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Yes, I am Mr. Worthing\u2019s ward.\r\n\r\nGwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh!\u00a0 It is strange he never mentioned to me that he had a ward.\u00a0 How secretive of him!\u00a0 He grows more interesting hourly.\u00a0 I am not sure, however, that the news inspires me with feelings of unmixed delight.\u00a0 [Rising and going to her.]\u00a0 I am very fond of you, Cecily; I have liked you ever since I met you!\u00a0 But I am bound to state that now that I know that you are Mr. Worthing\u2019s ward, I cannot help expressing a wish you were\u2014well, just a little older than you seem to be\u2014and not quite so very alluring in appearance.\u00a0 In fact, if I may speak candidly\u2014\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Pray do!\u00a0 I think that whenever one has anything unpleasant to say, one should always be quite candid.\r\n\r\nGwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 Well, to speak with perfect candour, Cecily, I wish that you were fully forty-two, and more than usually plain for your age.\u00a0 Ernest has a strong upright nature.\u00a0 He is the very soul of truth and honour.\u00a0 Disloyalty would be as impossible to him as deception.\u00a0 But even men of the noblest possible moral character are extremely susceptible to the influence of the physical charms of others.\u00a0 Modern, no less than Ancient History, supplies us with many most painful examples of what I refer to.\u00a0 If it were not so, indeed, History would be quite unreadable.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 I beg your pardon, Gwendolen, did you say Ernest?\r\n\r\nGwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 Yes.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh, but it is not Mr. Ernest Worthing who is my guardian.\u00a0 It is his brother\u2014his elder brother.\r\n\r\nGwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 [Sitting down again.]\u00a0 Ernest never mentioned to me that he had a brother.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 I am sorry to say they have not been on good terms for a long time.\r\n\r\nGwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 Ah! that accounts for it.\u00a0 And now that I think of it I have never heard any man mention his brother.\u00a0 The subject seems distasteful to most men.\u00a0 Cecily, you have lifted a load from my mind.\u00a0 I was growing almost anxious.\u00a0 It would have been terrible if any cloud had come across a friendship like ours, would it not?\u00a0 Of course you are quite, quite sure that it is not Mr. Ernest Worthing who is your guardian?\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Quite sure.\u00a0 [A pause.]\u00a0 In fact, I am going to be his.\r\n\r\nGwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 [Inquiringly.]\u00a0 I beg your pardon?\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 [Rather shy and confidingly.]\u00a0 Dearest Gwendolen, there is no reason why I should make a secret of it to you.\u00a0 Our little county newspaper is sure to chronicle the fact next week.\u00a0 Mr. Ernest Worthing and I are engaged to be married.\r\n\r\nGwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 [Quite politely, rising.]\u00a0 My darling Cecily, I think there must be some slight error.\u00a0 Mr. Ernest Worthing is engaged to me.\u00a0 The announcement will appear in the Morning Post<\/i> on Saturday at the latest.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 [Very politely, rising.]\u00a0 I am afraid you must be under some misconception.\u00a0 Ernest proposed to me exactly ten minutes ago.\u00a0 [Shows diary.]\r\n\r\nGwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 [Examines diary through her lorgnettte carefully.]\u00a0 It is certainly very curious, for he asked me to be his wife yesterday afternoon at 5.30.\u00a0 If you would care to verify the incident, pray do so.\u00a0 [Produces diary of her own.]\u00a0 I never travel without my diary.\u00a0 One should always have something sensational to read in the train.\u00a0 I am so sorry, dear Cecily, if it is any disappointment to you, but I am afraid I have the prior claim.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 It would distress me more than I can tell you, dear Gwendolen, if it caused you any mental or physical anguish, but I feel bound to point out that since Ernest proposed to you he clearly has changed his mind.\r\n\r\nGwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 [Meditatively.]\u00a0 If the poor fellow has been entrapped into any foolish promise I shall consider it my duty to rescue him at once, and with a firm hand.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 [Thoughtfully and sadly.]\u00a0 Whatever unfortunate entanglement my dear boy may have got into, I will never reproach him with it after we are married.\r\n\r\nGwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 Do you allude to me, Miss Cardew, as an entanglement?\u00a0 You are presumptuous.\u00a0 On an occasion of this kind it becomes more than a moral duty to speak one\u2019s mind.\u00a0 It becomes a pleasure.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Do you suggest, Miss Fairfax, that I entrapped Ernest into an engagement?\u00a0 How dare you?\u00a0 This is no time for wearing the shallow mask of manners.\u00a0 When I see a spade I call it a spade.\r\n\r\nGwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 [Satirically.]\u00a0 I am glad to say that I have never seen a spade.\u00a0 It is obvious that our social spheres have been widely different.\r\n\r\n[Enter Merriman<\/b>, followed by the footman.\u00a0 He carries a salver, table cloth, and plate stand.\u00a0 Cecily<\/b> is about to retort.\u00a0 The presence of the servants exercises a restraining influence, under which both girls chafe.]\r\n\r\nMerriman.<\/b>\u00a0 Shall I lay tea here as usual, Miss?\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 [Sternly, in a calm voice.]\u00a0 Yes, as usual.\u00a0 [Merriman<\/b> begins to clear table and lay cloth.\u00a0 A long pause.\u00a0 Cecily<\/b> and Gwendolen<\/b> glare at each other.]\r\n\r\nGwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 Are there many interesting walks in the vicinity, Miss Cardew?\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh! yes! a great many.\u00a0 From the top of one of the hills quite close one can see five counties.\r\n\r\nGwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 Five counties!\u00a0 I don\u2019t think I should like that; I hate crowds.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 [Sweetly.]\u00a0 I suppose that is why you live in town?\u00a0 [Gwendolen<\/b> bites her lip, and beats her foot nervously with her parasol.]\r\n\r\nGwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 [Looking round.]\u00a0 Quite a well-kept garden this is, Miss Cardew.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 So glad you like it, Miss Fairfax.\r\n\r\nGwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 I had no idea there were any flowers in the country.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh, flowers are as common here, Miss Fairfax, as people are in London.\r\n\r\nGwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 Personally I cannot understand how anybody manages to exist in the country, if anybody who is anybody does.\u00a0 The country always bores me to death.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Ah!\u00a0 This is what the newspapers call agricultural depression[footnote]A period of economic adversity in agriculture from the mid-1870s to the mid-1890s.[\/footnote], is it not?\u00a0 I believe the aristocracy are suffering very much from it just at present.\u00a0 It is almost an epidemic amongst them, I have been told.\u00a0 May I offer you some tea, Miss Fairfax?\r\n\r\nGwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 [With elaborate politeness.]\u00a0 Thank you.\u00a0 [Aside.]\u00a0 Detestable girl!\u00a0 But I require tea!\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 [Sweetly.]\u00a0 Sugar?\r\n\r\nGwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 [Superciliously.]\u00a0 No, thank you.\u00a0 Sugar is not fashionable any more. [Cecily<\/b> looks angrily at her, takes up the tongs and puts four lumps of sugar into the cup.]\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 [Severely.]\u00a0 Cake or bread and butter?\r\n\r\nGwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 [In a bored manner.]\u00a0 Bread and butter, please.\u00a0 Cake is rarely seen at the best houses nowadays.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 [Cuts a very large slice of cake, and puts it on the tray.]\u00a0 Hand that to Miss Fairfax.\r\n\r\n[Merriman<\/b> does so, and goes out with footman.\u00a0 Gwendolen<\/b> drinks the tea and makes a grimace.\u00a0 Puts down cup at once, reaches out her hand to the bread and butter, looks at it, and finds it is cake.\u00a0 Rises in indignation.]\r\n\r\nGwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 You have filled my tea with lumps of sugar, and though I asked most distinctly for bread and butter, you have given me cake.\u00a0 I am known for the gentleness of my disposition, and the extraordinary sweetness of my nature, but I warn you, Miss Cardew, you may go too far.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 [Rising.]\u00a0 To save my poor, innocent, trusting boy from the machinations of any other girl there are no lengths to which I would not go.\r\n\r\nGwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 From the moment I saw you I distrusted you.\u00a0 I felt that you were false and deceitful.\u00a0 I am never deceived in such matters.\u00a0 My first impressions of people are invariably right.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 It seems to me, Miss Fairfax, that I am trespassing on your valuable time.\u00a0 No doubt you have many other calls of a similar character to make in the neighbourhood.\r\n\r\n[Enter Jack<\/b>.]\r\n\r\nGwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 [Catching sight of him.]\u00a0 Ernest!\u00a0 My own Ernest!\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 Gwendolen!\u00a0 Darling!\u00a0 [Offers to kiss her.]\r\n\r\nGwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 [Draws back.]\u00a0 A moment!\u00a0 May I ask if you are engaged to be married to this young lady?\u00a0 [Points to Cecily<\/b>.]\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 [Laughing.]\u00a0 To dear little Cecily!\u00a0 Of course not!\u00a0 What could have put such an idea into your pretty little head?\r\n\r\nGwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 Thank you.\u00a0 You may!\u00a0 [Offers her cheek.]\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 [Very sweetly.]\u00a0 I knew there must be some misunderstanding, Miss Fairfax.\u00a0 The gentleman whose arm is at present round your waist is my guardian, Mr. John Worthing.\r\n\r\nGwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 I beg your pardon?\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 This is Uncle Jack.\r\n\r\nGwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 [Receding.]\u00a0 Jack!\u00a0 Oh!\r\n\r\n[Enter Algernon<\/b>.]\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Here is Ernest.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 [Goes straight over to Cecily<\/b> without noticing any one else.]\u00a0 My own love!\u00a0 [Offers to kiss her.]\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 [Drawing back.]\u00a0 A moment, Ernest!\u00a0 May I ask you\u2014are you engaged to be married to this young lady?\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 [Looking round.]\u00a0 To what young lady?\u00a0 Good heavens!\u00a0 Gwendolen!\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Yes! to good heavens, Gwendolen, I mean to Gwendolen.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 [Laughing.]\u00a0 Of course not!\u00a0 What could have put such an idea into your pretty little head?\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Thank you.\u00a0 [Presenting her cheek to be kissed.]\u00a0 You may.\u00a0 [Algernon<\/b> kisses her.]\r\n\r\nGwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 I felt there was some slight error, Miss Cardew.\u00a0 The gentleman who is now embracing you is my cousin, Mr. Algernon Moncrieff.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 [Breaking away from Algernon<\/b>.]\u00a0 Algernon Moncrieff!\u00a0 Oh!\u00a0 [The two girls move towards each other and put their arms round each other\u2019s waists as if for protection.]\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Are you called Algernon?\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 I cannot deny it.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh!\r\n\r\nGwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 Is your name really John?\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 [Standing rather proudly.]\u00a0 I could deny it if I liked.\u00a0 I could deny anything if I liked.\u00a0 But my name certainly is John.\u00a0 It has been John for years.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 [To Gwendolen<\/b>.]\u00a0 A gross deception has been practised on both of us.\r\n\r\nGwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 My poor wounded Cecily!\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 My sweet wronged Gwendolen!\r\n\r\nGwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 [Slowly and seriously.]\u00a0 You will call me sister, will you not?\u00a0 [They embrace.\u00a0 Jack<\/b> and Algernon<\/b> groan and walk up and down.]\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 [Rather brightly.]\u00a0 There is just one question I would like to be allowed to ask my guardian.\r\n\r\nGwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 An admirable idea!\u00a0 Mr. Worthing, there is just one question I would like to be permitted to put to you.\u00a0 Where is your brother Ernest?\u00a0 We are both engaged to be married to your brother Ernest, so it is a matter of some importance to us to know where your brother Ernest is at present.\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 [Slowly and hesitatingly.]\u00a0 Gwendolen\u2014Cecily\u2014it is very painful for me to be forced to speak the truth.\u00a0 It is the first time in my life that I have ever been reduced to such a painful position, and I am really quite inexperienced in doing anything of the kind.\u00a0 However, I will tell you quite frankly that I have no brother Ernest.\u00a0 I have no brother at all.\u00a0 I never had a brother in my life, and I certainly have not the smallest intention of ever having one in the future.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 [Surprised.]\u00a0 No brother at all?\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 [Cheerily.]\u00a0 None!\r\n\r\nGwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 [Severely.]\u00a0 Had you never a brother of any kind?\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 [Pleasantly.]\u00a0 Never.\u00a0 Not even of an kind.\r\n\r\nGwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 I am afraid it is quite clear, Cecily, that neither of us is engaged to be married to any one.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 It is not a very pleasant position for a young girl suddenly to find herself in.\u00a0 Is it?\r\n\r\nGwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 Let us go into the house.\u00a0 They will hardly venture to come after us there.\r\n\r\nCecily.<\/b>\u00a0 No, men are so cowardly, aren\u2019t they?\r\n\r\n[They retire into the house with scornful looks.]\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 This ghastly state of things is what you call Bunburying, I suppose?\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Yes, and a perfectly wonderful Bunbury it is.\u00a0 The most wonderful Bunbury I have ever had in my life.\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 Well, you\u2019ve no right whatsoever to Bunbury here.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 That is absurd.\u00a0 One has a right to Bunbury anywhere one chooses.\u00a0 Every serious Bunburyist knows that.\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 Serious Bunburyist!\u00a0 Good heavens!\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Well, one must be serious about something, if one wants to have any amusement in life.\u00a0 I happen to be serious about Bunburying.\u00a0 What on earth you are serious about I haven\u2019t got the remotest idea.\u00a0 About everything, I should fancy.\u00a0 You have such an absolutely trivial nature.\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 Well, the only small satisfaction I have in the whole of this wretched business is that your friend Bunbury is quite exploded.\u00a0 You won\u2019t be able to run down to the country quite so often as you used to do, dear Algy.\u00a0 And a very good thing too.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Your brother is a little off colour, isn\u2019t he, dear Jack?\u00a0 You won\u2019t be able to disappear to London quite so frequently as your wicked custom was.\u00a0 And not a bad thing either.\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 As for your conduct towards Miss Cardew, I must say that your taking in a sweet, simple, innocent girl like that is quite inexcusable.\u00a0 To say nothing of the fact that she is my ward.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 I can see no possible defence at all for your deceiving a brilliant, clever, thoroughly experienced young lady like Miss Fairfax.\u00a0 To say nothing of the fact that she is my cousin.\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 I wanted to be engaged to Gwendolen, that is all.\u00a0 I love her.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Well, I simply wanted to be engaged to Cecily.\u00a0 I adore her.\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 There is certainly no chance of your marrying Miss Cardew.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 I don\u2019t think there is much likelihood, Jack, of you and Miss Fairfax being united.\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 Well, that is no business of yours.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 If it was my business, I wouldn\u2019t talk about it.\u00a0 [Begins to eat muffins.]\u00a0 It is very vulgar to talk about one\u2019s business.\u00a0 Only people like stock-brokers do that, and then merely at dinner parties.\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 How can you sit there, calmly eating muffins when we are in this horrible trouble, I can\u2019t make out.\u00a0 You seem to me to be perfectly heartless.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Well, I can\u2019t eat muffins in an agitated manner.\u00a0 The butter would probably get on my cuffs.\u00a0 One should always eat muffins quite calmly.\u00a0 It is the only way to eat them.\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 I say it\u2019s perfectly heartless your eating muffins at all, under the circumstances.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 When I am in trouble, eating is the only thing that consoles me.\u00a0 Indeed, when I am in really great trouble, as any one who knows me intimately will tell you, I refuse everything except food and drink.\u00a0 At the present moment I am eating muffins because I am unhappy.\u00a0 Besides, I am particularly fond of muffins.\u00a0 [Rising.]\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 [Rising.]\u00a0 Well, that is no reason why you should eat them all in that greedy way. [Takes muffins from Algernon<\/b>.]\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 [Offering tea-cake.]\u00a0 I wish you would have tea-cake instead.\u00a0 I don\u2019t like tea-cake.\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 Good heavens!\u00a0 I suppose a man may eat his own muffins in his own garden.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 But you have just said it was perfectly heartless to eat muffins.\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 I said it was perfectly heartless of you, under the circumstances.\u00a0 That is a very different thing.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 That may be.\u00a0 But the muffins are the same.\u00a0 [He seizes the muffin-dish from Jack<\/b>.]\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 Algy, I wish to goodness you would go.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 You can\u2019t possibly ask me to go without having some dinner.\u00a0 It\u2019s absurd.\u00a0 I never go without my dinner.\u00a0 No one ever does, except vegetarians and people like that.\u00a0 Besides I have just made arrangements with Dr. Chasuble to be christened at a quarter to six under the name of Ernest.\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 My dear fellow, the sooner you give up that nonsense the better.\u00a0 I made arrangements this morning with Dr. Chasuble to be christened myself at 5.30, and I naturally will take the name of Ernest.\u00a0 Gwendolen would wish it.\u00a0 We can\u2019t both be christened Ernest.\u00a0 It\u2019s absurd.\u00a0 Besides, I have a perfect right to be christened if I like.\u00a0 There is no evidence at all that I have ever been christened by anybody.\u00a0 I should think it extremely probable I never was, and so does Dr. Chasuble.\u00a0 It is entirely different in your case.\u00a0 You have been christened already.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Yes, but I have not been christened for years.\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 Yes, but you have been christened.\u00a0 That is the important thing.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Quite so.\u00a0 So I know my constitution can stand it.\u00a0 If you are not quite sure about your ever having been christened, I must say I think it rather dangerous your venturing on it now.\u00a0 It might make you very unwell.\u00a0 You can hardly have forgotten that some one very closely connected with you was very nearly carried off this week in Paris by a severe chill.\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 Yes, but you said yourself that a severe chill was not hereditary.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 It usen\u2019t to be, I know\u2014but I daresay it is now.\u00a0 Science is always making wonderful improvements in things.\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 [Picking up the muffin-dish.]\u00a0 Oh, that is nonsense; you are always talking nonsense.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Jack, you are at the muffins again!\u00a0 I wish you wouldn\u2019t.\u00a0 There are only two left.\u00a0 [Takes them.]\u00a0 I told you I was particularly fond of muffins.\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 But I hate tea-cake.\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Why on earth then do you allow tea-cake to be served up for your guests?\u00a0 What ideas you have of hospitality!\r\n\r\nJack.<\/b>\u00a0 Algernon!\u00a0 I have already told you to go.\u00a0 I don\u2019t want you here.\u00a0 Why don\u2019t you go!\r\n\r\nAlgernon.<\/b>\u00a0 I haven\u2019t quite finished my tea yet! and there is still one muffin left.\u00a0 [Jack<\/b> groans, and sinks into a chair.\u00a0 Algernon<\/b> still continues eating.]\r\n\r\nACT DROP\r\n\r\n<\/div>","rendered":"
\n

<\/b>SCENE<\/b><\/p>\n

Garden at the Manor House.\u00a0 A flight of grey stone steps leads up to the house.\u00a0 The garden, an old-fashioned one, full of roses.\u00a0 Time of year, July.\u00a0 Basket chairs, and a table covered with books, are set under a large yew-tree.<\/p>\n

[Miss Prism<\/b>[1]<\/sup><\/a>\u00a0discovered seated at the table.\u00a0 Cecily<\/b> is at the back watering flowers.]<\/p>\n

Miss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 [Calling.]\u00a0 Cecily, Cecily!\u00a0 Surely such a utilitarian occupation as the watering of flowers is rather Moulton\u2019s duty than yours?\u00a0 Especially at a moment when intellectual pleasures await you.\u00a0 Your German grammar is on the table.\u00a0 Pray open it at page fifteen.\u00a0 We will repeat yesterday\u2019s lesson.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 [Coming over very slowly.]\u00a0 But I don\u2019t like German.\u00a0 It isn\u2019t at all a becoming language.\u00a0 I know perfectly well that I look quite plain after my German lesson.<\/p>\n

Miss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 Child, you know how anxious your guardian is that you should improve yourself in every way.\u00a0 He laid particular stress on your German, as he was leaving for town yesterday.\u00a0 Indeed, he always lays stress on your German when he is leaving for town.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Dear Uncle Jack is so very serious!\u00a0 Sometimes he is so serious that I think he cannot be quite well.<\/p>\n

Miss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 [Drawing herself up.]\u00a0 Your guardian enjoys the best of health, and his gravity of demeanour is especially to be commended in one so comparatively young as he is.\u00a0 I know no one who has a higher sense of duty and responsibility.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 I suppose that is why he often looks a little bored when we three are together.<\/p>\n

Miss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 Cecily!\u00a0 I am surprised at you.\u00a0 Mr. Worthing has many troubles in his life.\u00a0 Idle merriment and triviality would be out of place in his conversation.\u00a0 You must remember his constant anxiety about that unfortunate young man his brother.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 I wish Uncle Jack would allow that unfortunate young man, his brother, to come down here sometimes.\u00a0 We might have a good influence over him, Miss Prism.\u00a0 I am sure you certainly would.\u00a0 You know German, and geology, and things of that kind influence a man very much.\u00a0 [Cecily<\/b> begins to write in her diary.]<\/p>\n

Miss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 [Shaking her head.]\u00a0 I do not think that even I could produce any effect on a character that according to his own brother\u2019s admission is irretrievably weak and vacillating.\u00a0 Indeed I am not sure that I would desire to reclaim him.\u00a0 I am not in favour of this modern mania for turning bad people into good people at a moment\u2019s notice.\u00a0 As a man sows so let him reap[2]<\/sup><\/a>.\u00a0 You must put away your diary, Cecily.\u00a0 I really don\u2019t see why you should keep a diary at all.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 I keep a diary in order to enter the wonderful secrets of my life.\u00a0 If I didn\u2019t write them down, I should probably forget all about them.<\/p>\n

Miss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 Memory, my dear Cecily, is the diary that we all carry about with us.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Yes, but it usually chronicles the things that have never happened, and couldn\u2019t possibly have happened.\u00a0 I believe that Memory is responsible for nearly all the three-volume novels that Mudie[3]<\/sup><\/a>\u00a0sends us.<\/p>\n

Miss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 Do not speak slightingly of the three-volume novel, Cecily.\u00a0 I wrote one myself in earlier days.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Did you really, Miss Prism?\u00a0 How wonderfully clever you are!\u00a0 I hope it did not end happily?\u00a0 I don\u2019t like novels that end happily.\u00a0 They depress me so much.<\/p>\n

Miss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 The good ended happily, and the bad unhappily.\u00a0 That is what Fiction means.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 I suppose so.\u00a0 But it seems very unfair.\u00a0 And was your novel ever published?<\/p>\n

Miss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 Alas! no.\u00a0 The manuscript unfortunately was abandoned.\u00a0 [Cecily<\/b> starts.]\u00a0 I use the word in the sense of lost or mislaid.\u00a0 To your work, child, these speculations are profitless.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 [Smiling.]\u00a0 But I see dear Dr. Chasuble[4]<\/sup><\/a>\u00a0coming up through the garden.<\/p>\n

Miss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 [Rising and advancing.]\u00a0 Dr. Chasuble!\u00a0 This is indeed a pleasure.<\/p>\n

[Enter Canon Chasuble<\/b>.]<\/p>\n

Chasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 And how are we this morning?\u00a0 Miss Prism, you are, I trust, well?<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Miss Prism has just been complaining of a slight headache.\u00a0 I think it would do her so much good to have a short stroll with you in the Park, Dr. Chasuble.<\/p>\n

Miss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 Cecily, I have not mentioned anything about a headache.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 No, dear Miss Prism, I know that, but I felt instinctively that you had a headache.\u00a0 Indeed I was thinking about that, and not about my German lesson, when the Rector came in.<\/p>\n

Chasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 I hope, Cecily, you are not inattentive.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh, I am afraid I am.<\/p>\n

Chasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 That is strange.\u00a0 Were I fortunate enough to be Miss Prism\u2019s pupil, I would hang upon her lips.\u00a0 [Miss Prism<\/b> glares.]\u00a0 I spoke metaphorically.\u2014My metaphor was drawn from bees.\u00a0 Ahem!\u00a0 Mr. Worthing, I suppose, has not returned from town yet?<\/p>\n

Miss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 We do not expect him till Monday afternoon.<\/p>\n

Chasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 Ah yes, he usually likes to spend his Sunday in London.\u00a0 He is not one of those whose sole aim is enjoyment, as, by all accounts, that unfortunate young man his brother seems to be.\u00a0 But I must not disturb Egeria[5]<\/sup><\/a>\u00a0and her pupil any longer.<\/p>\n

Miss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 Egeria?\u00a0 My name is L\u00e6titia, Doctor.<\/p>\n

Chasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 [Bowing.]\u00a0 A classical allusion merely, drawn from the Pagan authors.\u00a0 I shall see you both no doubt at Evensong?<\/p>\n

Miss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 I think, dear Doctor, I will have a stroll with you.\u00a0 I find I have a headache after all, and a walk might do it good.<\/p>\n

Chasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 With pleasure, Miss Prism, with pleasure.\u00a0 We might go as far as the schools and back.<\/p>\n

Miss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 That would be delightful.\u00a0 Cecily, you will read your Political Economy[6]<\/sup><\/a>\u00a0in my absence.\u00a0 The chapter on the Fall of the Rupee you may omit.\u00a0 It is somewhat too sensational.\u00a0 Even these metallic problems have their melodramatic side.<\/p>\n

[Goes down the garden with Dr. Chasuble<\/b>.]<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 [Picks up books and throws them back on table.]\u00a0 Horrid Political Economy!\u00a0 Horrid Geography!\u00a0 Horrid, horrid German!<\/p>\n

[Enter Merriman<\/b> with a card on a salver.]<\/p>\n

Merriman<\/b>.\u00a0 Mr. Ernest Worthing has just driven over from the station.\u00a0 He has brought his luggage with him.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 [Takes the card and reads it.]\u00a0 \u2018Mr. Ernest Worthing, B. 4, The Albany, W.\u2019\u00a0 Uncle Jack\u2019s brother!\u00a0 Did you tell him Mr. Worthing was in town?<\/p>\n

Merriman<\/b>.\u00a0 Yes, Miss.\u00a0 He seemed very much disappointed.\u00a0 I mentioned that you and Miss Prism were in the garden.\u00a0 He said he was anxious to speak to you privately for a moment.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Ask Mr. Ernest Worthing to come here.\u00a0 I suppose you had better talk to the housekeeper about a room for him.<\/p>\n

Merriman<\/b>.\u00a0 Yes, Miss.<\/p>\n

[Merriman<\/b> goes off.]<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 I have never met any really wicked person before.\u00a0 I feel rather frightened.\u00a0 I am so afraid he will look just like every one else.<\/p>\n

[Enter Algernon<\/b>, very gay and debonnair.]\u00a0 He does!<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 [Raising his hat.]\u00a0 You are my little cousin Cecily, I\u2019m sure.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 You are under some strange mistake.\u00a0 I am not little.\u00a0 In fact, I believe I am more than usually tall for my age.\u00a0 [Algernon<\/b> is rather taken aback.]\u00a0 But I am your cousin Cecily.\u00a0 You, I see from your card, are Uncle Jack\u2019s brother, my cousin Ernest, my wicked cousin Ernest.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh! I am not really wicked at all, cousin Cecily.\u00a0 You mustn\u2019t think that I am wicked.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 If you are not, then you have certainly been deceiving us all in a very inexcusable manner.\u00a0 I hope you have not been leading a double life, pretending to be wicked and being really good all the time.\u00a0 That would be hypocrisy.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 [Looks at her in amazement.]\u00a0 Oh!\u00a0 Of course I have been rather reckless.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 I am glad to hear it.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 In fact, now you mention the subject, I have been very bad in my own small way.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 I don\u2019t think you should be so proud of that, though I am sure it must have been very pleasant.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 It is much pleasanter being here with you.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 I can\u2019t understand how you are here at all.\u00a0 Uncle Jack won\u2019t be back till Monday afternoon.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 That is a great disappointment.\u00a0 I am obliged to go up by the first train on Monday morning.\u00a0 I have a business appointment that I am anxious . . . to miss?<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Couldn\u2019t you miss it anywhere but in London?<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 No: the appointment is in London.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Well, I know, of course, how important it is not to keep a business engagement, if one wants to retain any sense of the beauty of life, but still I think you had better wait till Uncle Jack arrives.\u00a0 I know he wants to speak to you about your emigrating.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 About my what?<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Your emigrating.\u00a0 He has gone up to buy your outfit.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 I certainly wouldn\u2019t let Jack buy my outfit.\u00a0 He has no taste in neckties at all.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 I don\u2019t think you will require neckties.\u00a0 Uncle Jack is sending you to Australia.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Australia!\u00a0 I\u2019d sooner die.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Well, he said at dinner on Wednesday night, that you would have to choose between this world, the next world, and Australia.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh, well!\u00a0 The accounts I have received of Australia and the next world, are not particularly encouraging.\u00a0 This world is good enough for me, cousin Cecily.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Yes, but are you good enough for it?<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 I\u2019m afraid I\u2019m not that.\u00a0 That is why I want you to reform me.\u00a0 You might make that your mission, if you don\u2019t mind, cousin Cecily.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 I\u2019m afraid I\u2019ve no time, this afternoon.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Well, would you mind my reforming myself this afternoon?<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 It is rather Quixotic of you.\u00a0 But I think you should try.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 I will.\u00a0 I feel better already.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 You are looking a little worse.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 That is because I am hungry.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 How thoughtless of me.\u00a0 I should have remembered that when one is going to lead an entirely new life, one requires regular and wholesome meals.\u00a0 Won\u2019t you come in?<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Thank you.\u00a0 Might I have a buttonhole[7]<\/sup><\/a>\u00a0first?\u00a0 I never have any appetite unless I have a buttonhole first.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 A Marechal Niel[8]<\/sup><\/a>?\u00a0 [Picks up scissors.]<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 No, I\u2019d sooner have a pink rose.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Why?\u00a0 [Cuts a flower.]<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Because you are like a pink rose, Cousin Cecily.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 I don\u2019t think it can be right for you to talk to me like that.\u00a0 Miss Prism never says such things to me.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Then Miss Prism is a short-sighted old lady.\u00a0 [Cecily<\/b> puts the rose in his buttonhole.]\u00a0 You are the prettiest girl I ever saw.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Miss Prism says that all good looks are a snare.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 They are a snare that every sensible man would like to be caught in.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh, I don\u2019t think I would care to catch a sensible man.\u00a0 I shouldn\u2019t know what to talk to him about.<\/p>\n

[They pass into the house.\u00a0 Miss Prism<\/b> and Dr. Chasuble<\/b> return.]<\/p>\n

Miss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 You are too much alone, dear Dr. Chasuble.\u00a0 You should get married.\u00a0 A misanthrope I can understand\u2014a womanthrope, never!<\/p>\n

Chasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 [With a scholar\u2019s shudder.]\u00a0 Believe me, I do not deserve so neologistic[9]<\/sup><\/a>\u00a0a phrase.\u00a0 The precept as well as the practice of the Primitive Church[10]<\/sup><\/a>\u00a0was distinctly against matrimony.<\/p>\n

Miss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 [Sententiously.]\u00a0 That is obviously the reason why the Primitive Church has not lasted up to the present day.\u00a0 And you do not seem to realise, dear Doctor, that by persistently remaining single, a man converts himself into a permanent public temptation.\u00a0 Men should be more careful; this very celibacy leads weaker vessels astray.<\/p>\n

Chasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 But is a man not equally attractive when married?<\/p>\n

Miss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 No married man is ever attractive except to his wife.<\/p>\n

Chasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 And often, I\u2019ve been told, not even to her.<\/p>\n

Miss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 That depends on the intellectual sympathies of the woman.\u00a0 Maturity can always be depended on.\u00a0 Ripeness can be trusted.\u00a0 Young women are green.\u00a0 [Dr. Chasuble<\/b> starts.]\u00a0 I spoke horticulturally.\u00a0 My metaphor was drawn from fruits.\u00a0 But where is Cecily?<\/p>\n

Chasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 Perhaps she followed us to the schools.<\/p>\n

[Enter Jack<\/b> slowly from the back of the garden.\u00a0 He is dressed in the deepest mourning, with crape hatband and black gloves.]<\/p>\n

Miss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 Mr. Worthing!<\/p>\n

Chasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 Mr. Worthing?<\/p>\n

Miss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 This is indeed a surprise.\u00a0 We did not look for you till Monday afternoon.<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 [Shakes Miss Prism\u2019s<\/b> hand in a tragic manner.]\u00a0 I have returned sooner than I expected.\u00a0 Dr. Chasuble, I hope you are well?<\/p>\n

Chasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 Dear Mr. Worthing, I trust this garb of woe does not betoken some terrible calamity?<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 My brother.<\/p>\n

Miss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 More shameful debts and extravagance?<\/p>\n

Chasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 Still leading his life of pleasure?<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 [Shaking his head.]\u00a0 Dead!<\/p>\n

Chasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 Your brother Ernest dead?<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 Quite dead.<\/p>\n

Miss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 What a lesson for him!\u00a0 I trust he will profit by it.<\/p>\n

Chasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 Mr. Worthing, I offer you my sincere condolence.\u00a0 You have at least the consolation of knowing that you were always the most generous and forgiving of brothers.<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 Poor Ernest!\u00a0 He had many faults, but it is a sad, sad blow.<\/p>\n

Chasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 Very sad indeed.\u00a0 Were you with him at the end?<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 No.\u00a0 He died abroad; in Paris, in fact.\u00a0 I had a telegram last night from the manager of the Grand Hotel.<\/p>\n

Chasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 Was the cause of death mentioned?<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 A severe chill, it seems.<\/p>\n

Miss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 As a man sows, so shall he reap.<\/p>\n

Chasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 [Raising his hand.]\u00a0 Charity, dear Miss Prism, charity!\u00a0 None of us are perfect.\u00a0 I myself am peculiarly susceptible to draughts.\u00a0 Will the interment take place here?<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 No.\u00a0 He seems to have expressed a desire to be buried in Paris.<\/p>\n

Chasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 In Paris!\u00a0 [Shakes his head.]\u00a0 I fear that hardly points to any very serious state of mind at the last.\u00a0 You would no doubt wish me to make some slight allusion to this tragic domestic affliction next Sunday.\u00a0 [Jack<\/b> presses his hand convulsively.]\u00a0 My sermon on the meaning of the manna[11]<\/sup><\/a>\u00a0in the wilderness can be adapted to almost any occasion, joyful, or, as in the present case, distressing.\u00a0 [All sigh.]\u00a0 I have preached it at harvest celebrations, christenings, confirmations, on days of humiliation and festal days.\u00a0 The last time I delivered it was in the Cathedral, as a charity sermon on behalf of the Society for the Prevention of Discontent among the Upper Orders.\u00a0 The Bishop, who was present, was much struck by some of the analogies I drew.<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 Ah! that reminds me, you mentioned christenings I think, Dr. Chasuble?\u00a0 I suppose you know how to christen all right?\u00a0 [Dr. Chasuble<\/b> looks astounded.]\u00a0 I mean, of course, you are continually christening, aren\u2019t you?<\/p>\n

Miss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 It is, I regret to say, one of the Rector\u2019s most constant duties in this parish.\u00a0 I have often spoken to the poorer classes on the subject.\u00a0 But they don\u2019t seem to know what thrift is.<\/p>\n

Chasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 But is there any particular infant in whom you are interested, Mr. Worthing?\u00a0 Your brother was, I believe, unmarried, was he not?<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh yes.<\/p>\n

Miss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 [Bitterly.]\u00a0 People who live entirely for pleasure usually are.<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 But it is not for any child, dear Doctor.\u00a0 I am very fond of children.\u00a0 No! the fact is, I would like to be christened myself, this afternoon, if you have nothing better to do.<\/p>\n

Chasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 But surely, Mr. Worthing, you have been christened already?<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 I don\u2019t remember anything about it.<\/p>\n

Chasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 But have you any grave doubts on the subject?<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 I certainly intend to have.\u00a0 Of course I don\u2019t know if the thing would bother you in any way, or if you think I am a little too old now.<\/p>\n

Chasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 Not at all.\u00a0 The sprinkling, and, indeed, the immersion of adults is a perfectly canonical practice.<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 Immersion!<\/p>\n

Chasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 You need have no apprehensions.\u00a0 Sprinkling is all that is necessary, or indeed I think advisable.\u00a0 Our weather is so changeable.\u00a0 At what hour would you wish the ceremony performed?<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh, I might trot round about five if that would suit you.<\/p>\n

Chasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 Perfectly, perfectly!\u00a0 In fact I have two similar ceremonies to perform at that time.\u00a0 A case of twins that occurred recently in one of the outlying cottages on your own estate.\u00a0 Poor Jenkins the carter, a most hard-working man.<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh!\u00a0 I don\u2019t see much fun in being christened along with other babies.\u00a0 It would be childish.\u00a0 Would half-past five do?<\/p>\n

Chasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 Admirably!\u00a0 Admirably!\u00a0 [Takes out watch.]\u00a0 And now, dear Mr. Worthing, I will not intrude any longer into a house of sorrow.\u00a0 I would merely beg you not to be too much bowed down by grief.\u00a0 What seem to us bitter trials are often blessings in disguise.<\/p>\n

Miss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 This seems to me a blessing of an extremely obvious kind.<\/p>\n

[Enter Cecily<\/b> from the house.]<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Uncle Jack!\u00a0 Oh, I am pleased to see you back.\u00a0 But what horrid clothes you have got on!\u00a0 Do go and change them.<\/p>\n

Miss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 Cecily!<\/p>\n

Chasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 My child! my child!\u00a0 [Cecily<\/b> goes towards Jack<\/b>; he kisses her brow in a melancholy manner.]<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 What is the matter, Uncle Jack?\u00a0 Do look happy!\u00a0 You look as if you had toothache, and I have got such a surprise for you.\u00a0 Who do you think is in the dining-room?\u00a0 Your brother!<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 Who?<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Your brother Ernest.\u00a0 He arrived about half an hour ago.<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 What nonsense!\u00a0 I haven\u2019t got a brother.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh, don\u2019t say that.\u00a0 However badly he may have behaved to you in the past he is still your brother.\u00a0 You couldn\u2019t be so heartless as to disown him.\u00a0 I\u2019ll tell him to come out.\u00a0 And you will shake hands with him, won\u2019t you, Uncle Jack?\u00a0 [Runs back into the house.]<\/p>\n

Chasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 These are very joyful tidings.<\/p>\n

Miss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 After we had all been resigned to his loss, his sudden return seems to me peculiarly distressing.<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 My brother is in the dining-room?\u00a0 I don\u2019t know what it all means.\u00a0 I think it is perfectly absurd.<\/p>\n

[Enter Algernon<\/b> and Cecily<\/b> hand in hand.\u00a0 They come slowly up to Jack<\/b>.]<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 Good heavens!\u00a0 [Motions Algernon<\/b> away.]<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Brother John, I have come down from town to tell you that I am very sorry for all the trouble I have given you, and that I intend to lead a better life in the future.\u00a0 [Jack<\/b> glares at him and does not take his hand.]<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Uncle Jack, you are not going to refuse your own brother\u2019s hand?<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 Nothing will induce me to take his hand.\u00a0 I think his coming down here disgraceful.\u00a0 He knows perfectly well why.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Uncle Jack, do be nice.\u00a0 There is some good in every one.\u00a0 Ernest has just been telling me about his poor invalid friend Mr. Bunbury whom he goes to visit so often.\u00a0 And surely there must be much good in one who is kind to an invalid, and leaves the pleasures of London to sit by a bed of pain.<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh! he has been talking about Bunbury, has he?<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Yes, he has told me all about poor Mr. Bunbury, and his terrible state of health.<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 Bunbury!\u00a0 Well, I won\u2019t have him talk to you about Bunbury or about anything else.\u00a0 It is enough to drive one perfectly frantic.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Of course I admit that the faults were all on my side.\u00a0 But I must say that I think that Brother John\u2019s coldness to me is peculiarly painful.\u00a0 I expected a more enthusiastic welcome, especially considering it is the first time I have come here.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Uncle Jack, if you don\u2019t shake hands with Ernest I will never forgive you.<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 Never forgive me?<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Never, never, never!<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 Well, this is the last time I shall ever do it.\u00a0 [Shakes with Algernon<\/b> and glares.]<\/p>\n

Chasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 It\u2019s pleasant, is it not, to see so perfect a reconciliation?\u00a0 I think we might leave the two brothers together.<\/p>\n

Miss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 Cecily, you will come with us.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Certainly, Miss Prism.\u00a0 My little task of reconciliation is over.<\/p>\n

Chasuble.<\/b>\u00a0 You have done a beautiful action to-day, dear child.<\/p>\n

Miss Prism.<\/b>\u00a0 We must not be premature in our judgments.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 I feel very happy.\u00a0 [They all go off except Jack<\/b> and Algernon<\/b>.]<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 You young scoundrel, Algy, you must get out of this place as soon as possible.\u00a0 I don\u2019t allow any Bunburying here.<\/p>\n

[Enter Merriman<\/b>.]<\/p>\n

Merriman<\/b>.\u00a0 I have put Mr. Ernest\u2019s things in the room next to yours, sir.\u00a0 I suppose that is all right?<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 What?<\/p>\n

Merriman.<\/b>\u00a0 Mr. Ernest\u2019s luggage, sir.\u00a0 I have unpacked it and put it in the room next to your own.<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 His luggage?<\/p>\n

Merriman.<\/b>\u00a0 Yes, sir.\u00a0 Three portmanteaus, a dressing-case, two hat-boxes, and a large luncheon-basket.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 I am afraid I can\u2019t stay more than a week this time.<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 Merriman, order the dog-cart[12]<\/sup><\/a>\u00a0at once.\u00a0 Mr. Ernest has been suddenly called back to town.<\/p>\n

Merriman.<\/b>\u00a0 Yes, sir.\u00a0 [Goes back into the house.]<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 What a fearful liar you are, Jack.\u00a0 I have not been called back to town at all.<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 Yes, you have.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 I haven\u2019t heard any one call me.<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 Your duty as a gentleman calls you back.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 My duty as a gentleman has never interfered with my pleasures in the smallest degree.<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 I can quite understand that.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Well, Cecily is a darling.<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 You are not to talk of Miss Cardew like that.\u00a0 I don\u2019t like it.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Well, I don\u2019t like your clothes.\u00a0 You look perfectly ridiculous in them.\u00a0 Why on earth don\u2019t you go up and change?\u00a0 It is perfectly childish to be in deep mourning for a man who is actually staying for a whole week with you in your house as a guest.\u00a0 I call it grotesque.<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 You are certainly not staying with me for a whole week as a guest or anything else.\u00a0 You have got to leave . . . by the four-five train.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 I certainly won\u2019t leave you so long as you are in mourning.\u00a0 It would be most unfriendly.\u00a0 If I were in mourning you would stay with me, I suppose.\u00a0 I should think it very unkind if you didn\u2019t.<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 Well, will you go if I change my clothes?<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Yes, if you are not too long.\u00a0 I never saw anybody take so long to dress, and with such little result.<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 Well, at any rate, that is better than being always over-dressed as you are.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 If I am occasionally a little over-dressed, I make up for it by being always immensely over-educated.<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 Your vanity is ridiculous, your conduct an outrage, and your presence in my garden utterly absurd.\u00a0 However, you have got to catch the four-five, and I hope you will have a pleasant journey back to town.\u00a0 This Bunburying, as you call it, has not been a great success for you.<\/p>\n

[Goes into the house.]<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 I think it has been a great success.\u00a0 I\u2019m in love with Cecily, and that is everything.<\/p>\n

[Enter Cecily<\/b> at the back of the garden.\u00a0 She picks up the can and begins to water the flowers.]\u00a0 But I must see her before I go, and make arrangements for another Bunbury.\u00a0 Ah, there she is.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh, I merely came back to water the roses.\u00a0 I thought you were with Uncle Jack.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 He\u2019s gone to order the dog-cart for me.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh, is he going to take you for a nice drive?<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 He\u2019s going to send me away.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Then have we got to part?<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 I am afraid so.\u00a0 It\u2019s a very painful parting.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 It is always painful to part from people whom one has known for a very brief space of time.\u00a0 The absence of old friends one can endure with equanimity.\u00a0 But even a momentary separation from anyone to whom one has just been introduced is almost unbearable.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Thank you.<\/p>\n

[Enter Merriman<\/b>.]<\/p>\n

Merriman.<\/b>\u00a0 The dog-cart is at the door, sir.\u00a0 [Algernon<\/b> looks appealingly at Cecily<\/b>.]<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 It can wait, Merriman for . . . five minutes.<\/p>\n

Merriman.<\/b>\u00a0 Yes, Miss.\u00a0 [Exit Merriman<\/b>.]<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 I hope, Cecily, I shall not offend you if I state quite frankly and openly that you seem to me to be in every way the visible personification of absolute perfection.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 I think your frankness does you great credit, Ernest.\u00a0 If you will allow me, I will copy your remarks into my diary.\u00a0 [Goes over to table and begins writing in diary.]<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Do you really keep a diary?\u00a0 I\u2019d give anything to look at it.\u00a0 May I?<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh no.\u00a0 [Puts her hand over it.]\u00a0 You see, it is simply a very young girl\u2019s record of her own thoughts and impressions, and consequently meant for publication.\u00a0 When it appears in volume form I hope you will order a copy.\u00a0 But pray, Ernest, don\u2019t stop.\u00a0 I delight in taking down from dictation.\u00a0 I have reached \u2018absolute perfection\u2019.\u00a0 You can go on.\u00a0 I am quite ready for more.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 [Somewhat taken aback.]\u00a0 Ahem!\u00a0 Ahem!<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh, don\u2019t cough, Ernest.\u00a0 When one is dictating one should speak fluently and not cough.\u00a0 Besides, I don\u2019t know how to spell a cough.\u00a0 [Writes as Algernon<\/b> speaks.]<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 [Speaking very rapidly.]\u00a0 Cecily, ever since I first looked upon your wonderful and incomparable beauty, I have dared to love you wildly, passionately, devotedly, hopelessly.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 I don\u2019t think that you should tell me that you love me wildly, passionately, devotedly, hopelessly.\u00a0 Hopelessly doesn\u2019t seem to make much sense, does it?<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Cecily!<\/p>\n

[Enter Merriman<\/b>.]<\/p>\n

Merriman.<\/b>\u00a0 The dog-cart is waiting, sir.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Tell it to come round next week, at the same hour.<\/p>\n

Merriman.<\/b>\u00a0 [Looks at Cecily<\/b>, who makes no sign.]\u00a0 Yes, sir.<\/p>\n

[Merriman<\/b> retires.]<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Uncle Jack would be very much annoyed if he knew you were staying on till next week, at the same hour.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh, I don\u2019t care about Jack.\u00a0 I don\u2019t care for anybody in the whole world but you.\u00a0 I love you, Cecily.\u00a0 You will marry me, won\u2019t you?<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 You silly boy!\u00a0 Of course.\u00a0 Why, we have been engaged for the last three months.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 For the last three months?<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Yes, it will be exactly three months on Thursday.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 But how did we become engaged?<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Well, ever since dear Uncle Jack first confessed to us that he had a younger brother who was very wicked and bad, you of course have formed the chief topic of conversation between myself and Miss Prism.\u00a0 And of course a man who is much talked about is always very attractive.\u00a0 One feels there must be something in him, after all.\u00a0 I daresay it was foolish of me, but I fell in love with you, Ernest.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Darling!\u00a0 And when was the engagement actually settled?<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 On the 14th of February last.\u00a0 Worn out by your entire ignorance of my existence, I determined to end the matter one way or the other, and after a long struggle with myself I accepted you under this dear old tree here.\u00a0 The next day I bought this little ring in your name, and this is the little bangle with the true lover\u2019s knot I promised you always to wear.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Did I give you this?\u00a0 It\u2019s very pretty, isn\u2019t it?<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Yes, you\u2019ve wonderfully good taste, Ernest.\u00a0 It\u2019s the excuse I\u2019ve always given for your leading such a bad life.\u00a0 And this is the box in which I keep all your dear letters.\u00a0 [Kneels at table, opens box, and produces letters tied up with blue ribbon.]<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 My letters!\u00a0 But, my own sweet Cecily, I have never written you any letters.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 You need hardly remind me of that, Ernest.\u00a0 I remember only too well that I was forced to write your letters for you.\u00a0 I wrote always three times a week, and sometimes oftener.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh, do let me read them, Cecily?<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh, I couldn\u2019t possibly.\u00a0 They would make you far too conceited.\u00a0 [Replaces box.]\u00a0 The three you wrote me after I had broken off the engagement are so beautiful, and so badly spelled, that even now I can hardly read them without crying a little.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 But was our engagement ever broken off?<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Of course it was.\u00a0 On the 22nd of last March.\u00a0 You can see the entry if you like. [Shows diary.]\u00a0 \u2018To-day I broke off my engagement with Ernest.\u00a0 I feel it is better to do so.\u00a0 The weather still continues charming.\u2019<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 But why on earth did you break it off?\u00a0 What had I done?\u00a0 I had done nothing at all.\u00a0 Cecily, I am very much hurt indeed to hear you broke it off.\u00a0 Particularly when the weather was so charming.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 It would hardly have been a really serious engagement if it hadn\u2019t been broken off at least once.\u00a0 But I forgave you before the week was out.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 [Crossing to her, and kneeling.]\u00a0 What a perfect angel you are, Cecily.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 You dear romantic boy.\u00a0 [He kisses her, she puts her fingers through his hair.]\u00a0 I hope your hair curls naturally, does it?<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Yes, darling, with a little help from others.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 I am so glad.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 You\u2019ll never break off our engagement again, Cecily?<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 I don\u2019t think I could break it off now that I have actually met you.\u00a0 Besides, of course, there is the question of your name.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Yes, of course.\u00a0 [Nervously.]<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 You must not laugh at me, darling, but it had always been a girlish dream of mine to love some one whose name was Ernest.\u00a0 [Algernon<\/b> rises, Cecily<\/b> also.]\u00a0 There is something in that name that seems to inspire absolute confidence.\u00a0 I pity any poor married woman whose husband is not called Ernest.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 But, my dear child, do you mean to say you could not love me if I had some other name?<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 But what name?<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh, any name you like\u2014Algernon\u2014for instance . . .<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 But I don\u2019t like the name of Algernon.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Well, my own dear, sweet, loving little darling, I really can\u2019t see why you should object to the name of Algernon.\u00a0 It is not at all a bad name.\u00a0 In fact, it is rather an aristocratic name.\u00a0 Half of the chaps who get into the Bankruptcy Court are called Algernon.\u00a0 But seriously, Cecily . . . [Moving to her] . . . if my name was Algy, couldn\u2019t you love me?<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 [Rising.]\u00a0 I might respect you, Ernest, I might admire your character, but I fear that I should not be able to give you my undivided attention.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Ahem!\u00a0 Cecily!\u00a0 [Picking up hat.]\u00a0 Your Rector here is, I suppose, thoroughly experienced in the practice of all the rites and ceremonials of the Church?<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh, yes.\u00a0 Dr. Chasuble is a most learned man.\u00a0 He has never written a single book, so you can imagine how much he knows.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 I must see him at once on a most important christening\u2014I mean on most important business.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh!<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 I shan\u2019t be away more than half an hour.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Considering that we have been engaged since February the 14th, and that I only met you to-day for the first time, I think it is rather hard that you should leave me for so long a period as half an hour.\u00a0 Couldn\u2019t you make it twenty minutes?<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 I\u2019ll be back in no time.<\/p>\n

[Kisses her and rushes down the garden.]<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 What an impetuous boy he is!\u00a0 I like his hair so much.\u00a0 I must enter his proposal in my diary.<\/p>\n

[Enter Merriman<\/b>.]<\/p>\n

Merriman.<\/b>\u00a0 A Miss Fairfax has just called to see Mr. Worthing.\u00a0 On very important business, Miss Fairfax states.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Isn\u2019t Mr. Worthing in his library?<\/p>\n

Merriman.<\/b>\u00a0 Mr. Worthing went over in the direction of the Rectory some time ago.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Pray ask the lady to come out here; Mr. Worthing is sure to be back soon.\u00a0 And you can bring tea.<\/p>\n

Merriman.<\/b>\u00a0 Yes, Miss.\u00a0 [Goes out.]<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Miss Fairfax!\u00a0 I suppose one of the many good elderly women who are associated with Uncle Jack in some of his philanthropic work in London.\u00a0 I don\u2019t quite like women who are interested in philanthropic work.\u00a0 I think it is so forward of them.<\/p>\n

[Enter Merriman<\/b>.]<\/p>\n

Merriman.<\/b>\u00a0 Miss Fairfax.<\/p>\n

[Enter Gwendolen<\/b>.]<\/p>\n

[Exit Merriman<\/b>.]<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 [Advancing to meet her.]\u00a0 Pray let me introduce myself to you.\u00a0 My name is Cecily Cardew.<\/p>\n

Gwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 Cecily Cardew?\u00a0 [Moving to her and shaking hands.]\u00a0 What a very sweet name!\u00a0 Something tells me that we are going to be great friends.\u00a0 I like you already more than I can say.\u00a0 My first impressions of people are never wrong.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 How nice of you to like me so much after we have known each other such a comparatively short time.\u00a0 Pray sit down.<\/p>\n

Gwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 [Still standing up.]\u00a0 I may call you Cecily, may I not?<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 With pleasure!<\/p>\n

Gwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 And you will always call me Gwendolen, won\u2019t you?<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 If you wish.<\/p>\n

Gwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 Then that is all quite settled, is it not?<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 I hope so.\u00a0 [A pause.\u00a0 They both sit down together.]<\/p>\n

Gwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 Perhaps this might be a favourable opportunity for my mentioning who I am.\u00a0 My father is Lord Bracknell.\u00a0 You have never heard of papa, I suppose?<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 I don\u2019t think so.<\/p>\n

Gwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 Outside the family circle, papa, I am glad to say, is entirely unknown.\u00a0 I think that is quite as it should be.\u00a0 The home seems to me to be the proper sphere for the man.\u00a0 And certainly once a man begins to neglect his domestic duties he becomes painfully effeminate, does he not?\u00a0 And I don\u2019t like that.\u00a0 It makes men so very attractive.\u00a0 Cecily, mamma, whose views on education are remarkably strict, has brought me up to be extremely short-sighted; it is part of her system; so do you mind my looking at you through my glasses?<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh! not at all, Gwendolen.\u00a0 I am very fond of being looked at.<\/p>\n

Gwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 [After examining Cecily<\/b> carefully through a lorgnette.]\u00a0 You are here on a short visit, I suppose.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh no!\u00a0 I live here.<\/p>\n

Gwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 [Severely.]\u00a0 Really?\u00a0 Your mother, no doubt, or some female relative of advanced years, resides here also?<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh no!\u00a0 I have no mother, nor, in fact, any relations.<\/p>\n

Gwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 Indeed?<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 My dear guardian, with the assistance of Miss Prism, has the arduous task of looking after me.<\/p>\n

Gwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 Your guardian?<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Yes, I am Mr. Worthing\u2019s ward.<\/p>\n

Gwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh!\u00a0 It is strange he never mentioned to me that he had a ward.\u00a0 How secretive of him!\u00a0 He grows more interesting hourly.\u00a0 I am not sure, however, that the news inspires me with feelings of unmixed delight.\u00a0 [Rising and going to her.]\u00a0 I am very fond of you, Cecily; I have liked you ever since I met you!\u00a0 But I am bound to state that now that I know that you are Mr. Worthing\u2019s ward, I cannot help expressing a wish you were\u2014well, just a little older than you seem to be\u2014and not quite so very alluring in appearance.\u00a0 In fact, if I may speak candidly\u2014<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Pray do!\u00a0 I think that whenever one has anything unpleasant to say, one should always be quite candid.<\/p>\n

Gwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 Well, to speak with perfect candour, Cecily, I wish that you were fully forty-two, and more than usually plain for your age.\u00a0 Ernest has a strong upright nature.\u00a0 He is the very soul of truth and honour.\u00a0 Disloyalty would be as impossible to him as deception.\u00a0 But even men of the noblest possible moral character are extremely susceptible to the influence of the physical charms of others.\u00a0 Modern, no less than Ancient History, supplies us with many most painful examples of what I refer to.\u00a0 If it were not so, indeed, History would be quite unreadable.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 I beg your pardon, Gwendolen, did you say Ernest?<\/p>\n

Gwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 Yes.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh, but it is not Mr. Ernest Worthing who is my guardian.\u00a0 It is his brother\u2014his elder brother.<\/p>\n

Gwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 [Sitting down again.]\u00a0 Ernest never mentioned to me that he had a brother.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 I am sorry to say they have not been on good terms for a long time.<\/p>\n

Gwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 Ah! that accounts for it.\u00a0 And now that I think of it I have never heard any man mention his brother.\u00a0 The subject seems distasteful to most men.\u00a0 Cecily, you have lifted a load from my mind.\u00a0 I was growing almost anxious.\u00a0 It would have been terrible if any cloud had come across a friendship like ours, would it not?\u00a0 Of course you are quite, quite sure that it is not Mr. Ernest Worthing who is your guardian?<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Quite sure.\u00a0 [A pause.]\u00a0 In fact, I am going to be his.<\/p>\n

Gwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 [Inquiringly.]\u00a0 I beg your pardon?<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 [Rather shy and confidingly.]\u00a0 Dearest Gwendolen, there is no reason why I should make a secret of it to you.\u00a0 Our little county newspaper is sure to chronicle the fact next week.\u00a0 Mr. Ernest Worthing and I are engaged to be married.<\/p>\n

Gwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 [Quite politely, rising.]\u00a0 My darling Cecily, I think there must be some slight error.\u00a0 Mr. Ernest Worthing is engaged to me.\u00a0 The announcement will appear in the Morning Post<\/i> on Saturday at the latest.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 [Very politely, rising.]\u00a0 I am afraid you must be under some misconception.\u00a0 Ernest proposed to me exactly ten minutes ago.\u00a0 [Shows diary.]<\/p>\n

Gwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 [Examines diary through her lorgnettte carefully.]\u00a0 It is certainly very curious, for he asked me to be his wife yesterday afternoon at 5.30.\u00a0 If you would care to verify the incident, pray do so.\u00a0 [Produces diary of her own.]\u00a0 I never travel without my diary.\u00a0 One should always have something sensational to read in the train.\u00a0 I am so sorry, dear Cecily, if it is any disappointment to you, but I am afraid I have the prior claim.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 It would distress me more than I can tell you, dear Gwendolen, if it caused you any mental or physical anguish, but I feel bound to point out that since Ernest proposed to you he clearly has changed his mind.<\/p>\n

Gwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 [Meditatively.]\u00a0 If the poor fellow has been entrapped into any foolish promise I shall consider it my duty to rescue him at once, and with a firm hand.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 [Thoughtfully and sadly.]\u00a0 Whatever unfortunate entanglement my dear boy may have got into, I will never reproach him with it after we are married.<\/p>\n

Gwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 Do you allude to me, Miss Cardew, as an entanglement?\u00a0 You are presumptuous.\u00a0 On an occasion of this kind it becomes more than a moral duty to speak one\u2019s mind.\u00a0 It becomes a pleasure.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Do you suggest, Miss Fairfax, that I entrapped Ernest into an engagement?\u00a0 How dare you?\u00a0 This is no time for wearing the shallow mask of manners.\u00a0 When I see a spade I call it a spade.<\/p>\n

Gwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 [Satirically.]\u00a0 I am glad to say that I have never seen a spade.\u00a0 It is obvious that our social spheres have been widely different.<\/p>\n

[Enter Merriman<\/b>, followed by the footman.\u00a0 He carries a salver, table cloth, and plate stand.\u00a0 Cecily<\/b> is about to retort.\u00a0 The presence of the servants exercises a restraining influence, under which both girls chafe.]<\/p>\n

Merriman.<\/b>\u00a0 Shall I lay tea here as usual, Miss?<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 [Sternly, in a calm voice.]\u00a0 Yes, as usual.\u00a0 [Merriman<\/b> begins to clear table and lay cloth.\u00a0 A long pause.\u00a0 Cecily<\/b> and Gwendolen<\/b> glare at each other.]<\/p>\n

Gwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 Are there many interesting walks in the vicinity, Miss Cardew?<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh! yes! a great many.\u00a0 From the top of one of the hills quite close one can see five counties.<\/p>\n

Gwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 Five counties!\u00a0 I don\u2019t think I should like that; I hate crowds.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 [Sweetly.]\u00a0 I suppose that is why you live in town?\u00a0 [Gwendolen<\/b> bites her lip, and beats her foot nervously with her parasol.]<\/p>\n

Gwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 [Looking round.]\u00a0 Quite a well-kept garden this is, Miss Cardew.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 So glad you like it, Miss Fairfax.<\/p>\n

Gwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 I had no idea there were any flowers in the country.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh, flowers are as common here, Miss Fairfax, as people are in London.<\/p>\n

Gwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 Personally I cannot understand how anybody manages to exist in the country, if anybody who is anybody does.\u00a0 The country always bores me to death.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Ah!\u00a0 This is what the newspapers call agricultural depression[13]<\/sup><\/a>, is it not?\u00a0 I believe the aristocracy are suffering very much from it just at present.\u00a0 It is almost an epidemic amongst them, I have been told.\u00a0 May I offer you some tea, Miss Fairfax?<\/p>\n

Gwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 [With elaborate politeness.]\u00a0 Thank you.\u00a0 [Aside.]\u00a0 Detestable girl!\u00a0 But I require tea!<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 [Sweetly.]\u00a0 Sugar?<\/p>\n

Gwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 [Superciliously.]\u00a0 No, thank you.\u00a0 Sugar is not fashionable any more. [Cecily<\/b> looks angrily at her, takes up the tongs and puts four lumps of sugar into the cup.]<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 [Severely.]\u00a0 Cake or bread and butter?<\/p>\n

Gwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 [In a bored manner.]\u00a0 Bread and butter, please.\u00a0 Cake is rarely seen at the best houses nowadays.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 [Cuts a very large slice of cake, and puts it on the tray.]\u00a0 Hand that to Miss Fairfax.<\/p>\n

[Merriman<\/b> does so, and goes out with footman.\u00a0 Gwendolen<\/b> drinks the tea and makes a grimace.\u00a0 Puts down cup at once, reaches out her hand to the bread and butter, looks at it, and finds it is cake.\u00a0 Rises in indignation.]<\/p>\n

Gwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 You have filled my tea with lumps of sugar, and though I asked most distinctly for bread and butter, you have given me cake.\u00a0 I am known for the gentleness of my disposition, and the extraordinary sweetness of my nature, but I warn you, Miss Cardew, you may go too far.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 [Rising.]\u00a0 To save my poor, innocent, trusting boy from the machinations of any other girl there are no lengths to which I would not go.<\/p>\n

Gwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 From the moment I saw you I distrusted you.\u00a0 I felt that you were false and deceitful.\u00a0 I am never deceived in such matters.\u00a0 My first impressions of people are invariably right.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 It seems to me, Miss Fairfax, that I am trespassing on your valuable time.\u00a0 No doubt you have many other calls of a similar character to make in the neighbourhood.<\/p>\n

[Enter Jack<\/b>.]<\/p>\n

Gwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 [Catching sight of him.]\u00a0 Ernest!\u00a0 My own Ernest!<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 Gwendolen!\u00a0 Darling!\u00a0 [Offers to kiss her.]<\/p>\n

Gwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 [Draws back.]\u00a0 A moment!\u00a0 May I ask if you are engaged to be married to this young lady?\u00a0 [Points to Cecily<\/b>.]<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 [Laughing.]\u00a0 To dear little Cecily!\u00a0 Of course not!\u00a0 What could have put such an idea into your pretty little head?<\/p>\n

Gwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 Thank you.\u00a0 You may!\u00a0 [Offers her cheek.]<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 [Very sweetly.]\u00a0 I knew there must be some misunderstanding, Miss Fairfax.\u00a0 The gentleman whose arm is at present round your waist is my guardian, Mr. John Worthing.<\/p>\n

Gwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 I beg your pardon?<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 This is Uncle Jack.<\/p>\n

Gwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 [Receding.]\u00a0 Jack!\u00a0 Oh!<\/p>\n

[Enter Algernon<\/b>.]<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Here is Ernest.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 [Goes straight over to Cecily<\/b> without noticing any one else.]\u00a0 My own love!\u00a0 [Offers to kiss her.]<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 [Drawing back.]\u00a0 A moment, Ernest!\u00a0 May I ask you\u2014are you engaged to be married to this young lady?<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 [Looking round.]\u00a0 To what young lady?\u00a0 Good heavens!\u00a0 Gwendolen!<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Yes! to good heavens, Gwendolen, I mean to Gwendolen.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 [Laughing.]\u00a0 Of course not!\u00a0 What could have put such an idea into your pretty little head?<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Thank you.\u00a0 [Presenting her cheek to be kissed.]\u00a0 You may.\u00a0 [Algernon<\/b> kisses her.]<\/p>\n

Gwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 I felt there was some slight error, Miss Cardew.\u00a0 The gentleman who is now embracing you is my cousin, Mr. Algernon Moncrieff.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 [Breaking away from Algernon<\/b>.]\u00a0 Algernon Moncrieff!\u00a0 Oh!\u00a0 [The two girls move towards each other and put their arms round each other\u2019s waists as if for protection.]<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Are you called Algernon?<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 I cannot deny it.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 Oh!<\/p>\n

Gwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 Is your name really John?<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 [Standing rather proudly.]\u00a0 I could deny it if I liked.\u00a0 I could deny anything if I liked.\u00a0 But my name certainly is John.\u00a0 It has been John for years.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 [To Gwendolen<\/b>.]\u00a0 A gross deception has been practised on both of us.<\/p>\n

Gwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 My poor wounded Cecily!<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 My sweet wronged Gwendolen!<\/p>\n

Gwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 [Slowly and seriously.]\u00a0 You will call me sister, will you not?\u00a0 [They embrace.\u00a0 Jack<\/b> and Algernon<\/b> groan and walk up and down.]<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 [Rather brightly.]\u00a0 There is just one question I would like to be allowed to ask my guardian.<\/p>\n

Gwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 An admirable idea!\u00a0 Mr. Worthing, there is just one question I would like to be permitted to put to you.\u00a0 Where is your brother Ernest?\u00a0 We are both engaged to be married to your brother Ernest, so it is a matter of some importance to us to know where your brother Ernest is at present.<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 [Slowly and hesitatingly.]\u00a0 Gwendolen\u2014Cecily\u2014it is very painful for me to be forced to speak the truth.\u00a0 It is the first time in my life that I have ever been reduced to such a painful position, and I am really quite inexperienced in doing anything of the kind.\u00a0 However, I will tell you quite frankly that I have no brother Ernest.\u00a0 I have no brother at all.\u00a0 I never had a brother in my life, and I certainly have not the smallest intention of ever having one in the future.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 [Surprised.]\u00a0 No brother at all?<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 [Cheerily.]\u00a0 None!<\/p>\n

Gwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 [Severely.]\u00a0 Had you never a brother of any kind?<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 [Pleasantly.]\u00a0 Never.\u00a0 Not even of an kind.<\/p>\n

Gwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 I am afraid it is quite clear, Cecily, that neither of us is engaged to be married to any one.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 It is not a very pleasant position for a young girl suddenly to find herself in.\u00a0 Is it?<\/p>\n

Gwendolen.<\/b>\u00a0 Let us go into the house.\u00a0 They will hardly venture to come after us there.<\/p>\n

Cecily.<\/b>\u00a0 No, men are so cowardly, aren\u2019t they?<\/p>\n

[They retire into the house with scornful looks.]<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 This ghastly state of things is what you call Bunburying, I suppose?<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Yes, and a perfectly wonderful Bunbury it is.\u00a0 The most wonderful Bunbury I have ever had in my life.<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 Well, you\u2019ve no right whatsoever to Bunbury here.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 That is absurd.\u00a0 One has a right to Bunbury anywhere one chooses.\u00a0 Every serious Bunburyist knows that.<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 Serious Bunburyist!\u00a0 Good heavens!<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Well, one must be serious about something, if one wants to have any amusement in life.\u00a0 I happen to be serious about Bunburying.\u00a0 What on earth you are serious about I haven\u2019t got the remotest idea.\u00a0 About everything, I should fancy.\u00a0 You have such an absolutely trivial nature.<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 Well, the only small satisfaction I have in the whole of this wretched business is that your friend Bunbury is quite exploded.\u00a0 You won\u2019t be able to run down to the country quite so often as you used to do, dear Algy.\u00a0 And a very good thing too.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Your brother is a little off colour, isn\u2019t he, dear Jack?\u00a0 You won\u2019t be able to disappear to London quite so frequently as your wicked custom was.\u00a0 And not a bad thing either.<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 As for your conduct towards Miss Cardew, I must say that your taking in a sweet, simple, innocent girl like that is quite inexcusable.\u00a0 To say nothing of the fact that she is my ward.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 I can see no possible defence at all for your deceiving a brilliant, clever, thoroughly experienced young lady like Miss Fairfax.\u00a0 To say nothing of the fact that she is my cousin.<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 I wanted to be engaged to Gwendolen, that is all.\u00a0 I love her.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Well, I simply wanted to be engaged to Cecily.\u00a0 I adore her.<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 There is certainly no chance of your marrying Miss Cardew.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 I don\u2019t think there is much likelihood, Jack, of you and Miss Fairfax being united.<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 Well, that is no business of yours.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 If it was my business, I wouldn\u2019t talk about it.\u00a0 [Begins to eat muffins.]\u00a0 It is very vulgar to talk about one\u2019s business.\u00a0 Only people like stock-brokers do that, and then merely at dinner parties.<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 How can you sit there, calmly eating muffins when we are in this horrible trouble, I can\u2019t make out.\u00a0 You seem to me to be perfectly heartless.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Well, I can\u2019t eat muffins in an agitated manner.\u00a0 The butter would probably get on my cuffs.\u00a0 One should always eat muffins quite calmly.\u00a0 It is the only way to eat them.<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 I say it\u2019s perfectly heartless your eating muffins at all, under the circumstances.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 When I am in trouble, eating is the only thing that consoles me.\u00a0 Indeed, when I am in really great trouble, as any one who knows me intimately will tell you, I refuse everything except food and drink.\u00a0 At the present moment I am eating muffins because I am unhappy.\u00a0 Besides, I am particularly fond of muffins.\u00a0 [Rising.]<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 [Rising.]\u00a0 Well, that is no reason why you should eat them all in that greedy way. [Takes muffins from Algernon<\/b>.]<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 [Offering tea-cake.]\u00a0 I wish you would have tea-cake instead.\u00a0 I don\u2019t like tea-cake.<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 Good heavens!\u00a0 I suppose a man may eat his own muffins in his own garden.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 But you have just said it was perfectly heartless to eat muffins.<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 I said it was perfectly heartless of you, under the circumstances.\u00a0 That is a very different thing.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 That may be.\u00a0 But the muffins are the same.\u00a0 [He seizes the muffin-dish from Jack<\/b>.]<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 Algy, I wish to goodness you would go.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 You can\u2019t possibly ask me to go without having some dinner.\u00a0 It\u2019s absurd.\u00a0 I never go without my dinner.\u00a0 No one ever does, except vegetarians and people like that.\u00a0 Besides I have just made arrangements with Dr. Chasuble to be christened at a quarter to six under the name of Ernest.<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 My dear fellow, the sooner you give up that nonsense the better.\u00a0 I made arrangements this morning with Dr. Chasuble to be christened myself at 5.30, and I naturally will take the name of Ernest.\u00a0 Gwendolen would wish it.\u00a0 We can\u2019t both be christened Ernest.\u00a0 It\u2019s absurd.\u00a0 Besides, I have a perfect right to be christened if I like.\u00a0 There is no evidence at all that I have ever been christened by anybody.\u00a0 I should think it extremely probable I never was, and so does Dr. Chasuble.\u00a0 It is entirely different in your case.\u00a0 You have been christened already.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Yes, but I have not been christened for years.<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 Yes, but you have been christened.\u00a0 That is the important thing.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Quite so.\u00a0 So I know my constitution can stand it.\u00a0 If you are not quite sure about your ever having been christened, I must say I think it rather dangerous your venturing on it now.\u00a0 It might make you very unwell.\u00a0 You can hardly have forgotten that some one very closely connected with you was very nearly carried off this week in Paris by a severe chill.<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 Yes, but you said yourself that a severe chill was not hereditary.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 It usen\u2019t to be, I know\u2014but I daresay it is now.\u00a0 Science is always making wonderful improvements in things.<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 [Picking up the muffin-dish.]\u00a0 Oh, that is nonsense; you are always talking nonsense.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Jack, you are at the muffins again!\u00a0 I wish you wouldn\u2019t.\u00a0 There are only two left.\u00a0 [Takes them.]\u00a0 I told you I was particularly fond of muffins.<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 But I hate tea-cake.<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 Why on earth then do you allow tea-cake to be served up for your guests?\u00a0 What ideas you have of hospitality!<\/p>\n

Jack.<\/b>\u00a0 Algernon!\u00a0 I have already told you to go.\u00a0 I don\u2019t want you here.\u00a0 Why don\u2019t you go!<\/p>\n

Algernon.<\/b>\u00a0 I haven\u2019t quite finished my tea yet! and there is still one muffin left.\u00a0 [Jack<\/b> groans, and sinks into a chair.\u00a0 Algernon<\/b> still continues eating.]<\/p>\n

ACT DROP<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

  1. The prim and proper Mrs. Prism calls to mind Mrs. General in Charles Dickens\u2019s Little Dorrit<\/em> (1857), a teacher of manners for young ladies, who has the Dorrit girls repeat \u201cprunes and prism\u201d in order to give a pretty form to the lips. ↵<\/a><\/li>
  2. cf. Galatians 6:7, \u201cWhatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.\u201d ↵<\/a><\/li>
  3. A lending library, founded in 1842 by Charles Mudie. ↵<\/a><\/li>
  4. The main vestment worn by the priest when celebrating mass. ↵<\/a><\/li>
  5. Proverbially a guide or counsellor, after the nymph who instructed Numa Pompilius, second king of Rome (753-673 BC). ↵<\/a><\/li>
  6. Economics. ↵<\/a><\/li>
  7. A flower worn in the buttonhole of the lapel of a jacket. A trademark of former Canadian Prime Minister Pierre Elliott Trudeau (1919-2000). ↵<\/a><\/li>
  8. A yellow rose. ↵<\/a><\/li>
  9. Newly coined word. Chasuble would have expected \u201cmisogynist.\u201d ↵<\/a><\/li>
  10. Early Christian church of the first to fourth centuries. ↵<\/a><\/li>
  11. Miraculous food provided for the children of Israel in their journey from Egypt to the Holy Land. See Exodus16: 14-36. ↵<\/a><\/li>
  12. A light, horse-drawn carriage, with a box for carrying dogs, originally used for hunting. ↵<\/a><\/li>
  13. A period of economic adversity in agriculture from the mid-1870s to the mid-1890s. ↵<\/a><\/li><\/ol><\/div>","protected":false},"author":17,"menu_order":3,"template":"","meta":{"pb_show_title":"on","pb_short_title":"","pb_subtitle":"","pb_authors":["oscar-wilde"],"pb_section_license":"public-domain"},"chapter-type":[],"contributor":[68],"license":[78],"class_list":["post-515","chapter","type-chapter","status-publish","hentry","contributor-oscar-wilde","license-public-domain"],"part":501,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/englishliterature\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters\/515","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/englishliterature\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/englishliterature\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/chapter"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/englishliterature\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/17"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/englishliterature\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters\/515\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1885,"href":"https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/englishliterature\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters\/515\/revisions\/1885"}],"part":[{"href":"https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/englishliterature\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/parts\/501"}],"metadata":[{"href":"https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/englishliterature\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters\/515\/metadata\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/englishliterature\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=515"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"chapter-type","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/englishliterature\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapter-type?post=515"},{"taxonomy":"contributor","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/englishliterature\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/contributor?post=515"},{"taxonomy":"license","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/englishliterature\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/license?post=515"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}