This section introduces the concept of boundaries, including various types of boundaries and the role of context and personal choice when deciding what an individual is comfortable with. Participants are offered the opportunity to share (anonymously) some of their boundaries and are provided examples of response scripts to boundary violations. Finally, this section provides a practice scenario to unpack as a large group in preparation for the final small-group practice scenario. This section concludes with a discussion on self-care and a short break (if time permits).

You should emphasize that boundaries are a personal choice, and the context and power dynamics present during a boundary violation will influence how the impacted person chooses to respond, if at all. This section also presents an opportunity to reinforce that by addressing boundary violations, graduate students are actively working toward changing the historically predatory culture that can exist in graduate school. It may be helpful to refer to other concepts such as bystander intervention.

Before beginning this section, be sure to review the Scenarios so you can choose the practice scenario you want participants to discuss and then add the scenario to slide 24. There are more scenarios to choose from in Appendix 2: Additional Scenarios. Also have handout 2: Wellness Wheel (see Appendix 1: Handouts) ready to distribute when discussing slide 22.

Section 3 includes the following slides:

• Slide 15: What Are Boundaries?
• Slide 16: Boundaries Can Be…
• Slide 17: Boundaries Can Be Hard or Soft
• Slide 18: Healthy Boundaries
• Slide 19: Responding to Boundary Violations
• Slide 20: Tips for Setting Boundaries
• Slide 21: Self-Care
• Slide 22: Wellness Strategies
• Slide 23: Addressing a Boundary Violation
• Slide 24: Activity: Practice Scenario
• Slide 25: Activity: Practice Scenario Discussion
• Slide 26: Break Time

Slide 15

Facilitator Notes

• We’ve talked a bit about boundary violations and what they look like, but now we’re going to really dive into it.
• If at any point you find the discussions difficult or overwhelming, do whatever you need to feel grounded and centred. This might include leaving the room. If you do leave but you don’t want us to check on you, please just give us a thumbs up.
• A boundary is a guideline or limit that a person creates about reasonable, acceptable, and safer ways to engage with and act toward them, as well as expectations for how they will respond when someone pushes or passes those limits.
• Boundaries create physical and emotional space; they demonstrate how you want to be treated, what is okay, and what is not.
• Setting boundaries can feel really hard. There is not a lot of education or healthy examples on the importance of boundaries, how to set them, or even what they are! It is important to remember that your needs matter and that you deserve to have your boundaries respected. Boundaries are a healthy part of all relationships, and communicating your own needs and expectations is an important skill that can be learned and practised.

Slide 16

Facilitator Notes

• Physical boundaries refer to your personal space, privacy, and body. What types of touch are you open to and from whom?
• Mental boundaries refer to your thoughts, opinions, and values. What types of conversations are you willing to engage in?
• Emotional boundaries refer to knowing your own feelings and your responsibilities to yourself and others. A key component of healthy emotional boundaries is separating your emotions and responsibility for them from someone else’s. How much emotional support are you able to offer a loved one?
• Sexual boundaries refer to your comfort with sexual touch and determining sexual activity: what, where, when, and with whom.
• Professional boundaries refer to your expectations for your time, the environment, and the interpersonal relationships in your professional role(s). Your professional boundaries help you dictate when and where you will work, what type of touch is appropriate (if any), and what type of language should be used in the workplace. As we’ve discussed, navigating professional boundaries can be tricky due to the multiple roles that graduate students may hold. Further, academia doesn’t always encourage this type of boundary setting. Some examples of professional boundaries that graduate students may have to navigate are:
  • Receiving emails on evenings or weekends and with the expectation that you’ll respond immediately
  • Attending post-secondary and departmental social activities, such as wine and cheese mixers where drinking is the norm
  • Being asked to stay and work late (the idea that longer hours means you’re more committed academic)

Slide 17

Facilitator Notes

• Boundaries are personal to each of us, and we can also have both hard and soft boundaries. A hard boundary is something we can never accept or do. A soft boundary is something we find unpleasant, but we may be able to accept in certain circumstances or for a limited time. For example, you may have a boundary that you will not check your email after work hours, you will make an exception to this boundary when there is an important upcoming deadline.
• What we decide to set as hard or soft boundaries is individual and deeply personal to each of us.
• Cultural context: Even though there are different norms within specific cultures, we should never treat any culture as a monolith and assume that everyone within a culture acts the same way or has the same boundaries. For example, it is a norm in some European cultures to give another person one or two kisses on the cheek as a greeting, but that doesn’t mean that every European person is comfortable with this or that you have to respect that tradition if you are not comfortable with it. We should also remember that cultures shift and change over time, and all people of all genders and backgrounds can challenge norms. We can support and uplift those voices.
• Given that boundaries vary from person to person or culture to culture, it is important to practise communicating our boundaries to others and asking others about their boundaries. This can be difficult since we are not really taught or even encouraged to do this, but we’re going to practise this together later in the workshop.

Optional Large Group Discussion: Ask participants who are comfortable to share one of their hard or soft boundaries. Alternatively, you could use a polling app like Mentimeter to maintain participants’ anonymity.

Slide 18

Facilitator Notes

• You have the right to your own boundaries: You can set boundaries around your personal space, sexuality, emotions, thoughts, possessions, time and energy, culture and religion, ethics, and anything else you determine is important. Setting boundaries can help improve relationships and self-esteem, conserve emotional energy, give you agency, and give you space to learn and grow.
• Boundaries are learned: Women (as well as transgender and non-binary people) are often taught that their needs are less important and that other people’s needs should be put first. They are often taught that they do not have a right to boundaries and that setting boundaries makes them a bad person, unreasonable, mean, or bossy. It can feel challenging to unlearn this, but it is so important to remember that your needs and feelings matter.
• Automatic responses: There is no one correct way to respond to a boundary violation; the way you respond to being targeted is not always a conscious decision. Trauma responses like fight, flight, freeze, and fawn are how your brain and body protect you. Research on trauma shows that these responses may not be conscious choices, and your brain is making a split-second decision. These reactions are our mind’s way of keeping us safe in the situation.
• Exploring your own boundaries is important and can be fun: We use the word exploring because your boundaries might change over time or in different contexts. There also might be times when you think that you are okay with a certain behaviour or relationship but later realize that you cannot continue to accept this behaviour or relationship without harm to your physical, mental, or emotional health. You have a right to change your mind and change your boundaries. Remember: Your boundaries are personal to you; therefore, it’s good practice to ask about someone’s boundaries rather than making assumptions.

Slide 19

Facilitator Notes

• We’ve talked a lot about boundaries and what they mean. Now we want to spend some time on language you can use when your boundaries are violated.
• Having and setting boundaries is not selfish; it is a brave act of love toward yourself. When setting boundaries, you do not have to defend, debate, or explain your feelings. You can use simple and direct language, and back up your boundary with action.

Slide 20

Facilitator Notes

• Again, setting boundaries can be hard, but with practise, it can feel really empowering! Here are some helpful tips to keep in mind.
  • Practise tuning into your inner sense of yes and no. This will help you to determine what your personal limits and guidelines are. Ask yourself: What are my rights? What are my values? What is my gut feeling telling me? Do I need to respond at this moment or wait for a different time?
  • Trust your body. If you’re taking a minute to listen to your gut, believe what it is telling you. Often, we can feel discomfort in our bodies. Does your chest feel tight? Is your heart beating fast? Do you feel tension in your head?
  • Use simple and direct language. Be confident about your “no” and be clear about your “yes.”
  • Back up your boundary with action. Document any violations when they are happening. Change classes or supervisors if these options are available to you and necessary.
  • Practise self-care. You did a brave thing! It’s important to consider your own well-being. Wellness and self-care strategies are discussed in the upcoming slides.

Remind participants that even if you do all of these things, someone who is intent on crossing your boundaries may continue to do so. It is not your fault. You have a right to set boundaries and a right to expect that your boundaries be respected.

Slide 21

Facilitator Notes

• Refer to Handout 2: Wellness Wheel (see Appendix 1: Handouts). 
• This Wellness Wheel helps you consider wellness as a sense of balance between the various domains of the self: physical, emotional, academic/career, social, creative, spiritual, environmental, financial, and intellectual. This Wellness Wheel aligns with Indigenous traditional practices that view individuals holistically.
• If time permits participants and facilitators can share various ways that they practise self-care in their personal lives.

Slide 22

Facilitator Notes

Wellness strategies are unique to each individual, but this slide shows some common ones. In a few slides, we will also discuss resources at our post-secondary institution and in the community.

You can focus on the need for individuals to self-monitor and prioritize their own wellness through activities they know to be effective for themselves.

Slide 23

Facilitator Notes

• We are going to discuss an example of a boundary violation scenario together.

Slide 24

Facilitator Notes

• Note: Prior to delivery, you should select a practice scenario (see Scenarios) or have participants create one of their own (see Appendix 3: Create Your Own Scenarios). Choose a scenario that is relevant to the participant group. Copy scenario text into slide 24 or create and distribute a handout of the scenarios to participants.
• Invite participants to read the scenario. Remind that to consider the individuals involved and their power dynamics, the environment in which this scenario is occurring, and possible responses.

Slide 25

Facilitator Notes

• After participants have read the scenario, in a large group discuss the following:
  1. The type of boundary violation and possible feelings it could bring up for the impacted person
  2. The identities of the people involved including their positionalities, roles within the institution, and the power dynamics between the people. (How power dynamics may influence the impacted person’s decision to respond and the type of response)
  3. The various types of responses that the impacted person may take
  4. The role the environment plays in the interaction and response. Consider if the interaction is in a private or public setting, on campus or off campus, in person or online
  5. The culture within the institution, graduate program, and field of study
• Communicate to participants that this discussion is not about right or wrong answers but about fully exploring the scenario and context.

Slide 26