{"id":418,"date":"2022-03-28T18:48:32","date_gmt":"2022-03-28T22:48:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/peersupport\/?post_type=chapter&p=418"},"modified":"2022-03-28T18:53:26","modified_gmt":"2022-03-28T22:53:26","slug":"empathy-and-self-determination","status":"publish","type":"chapter","link":"https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/peersupport\/chapter\/empathy-and-self-determination\/","title":{"raw":"Empathy and Self-Determination","rendered":"Empathy and Self-Determination"},"content":{"raw":"As we\u2019ve discussed, a lack of boundaries opens us up to burn out, compassion fatigue, and disconnection with others while holding strong emotional boundaries and nourishing our own well-being leads to a greater capacity for compassion and empathy.\r\n

Empathy<\/h1>\r\n
\r\n\r\nIn her book I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn\u2019t) <\/em>(2007), Brene\u0301 Brown references nursing scholar Teresa Wiseman\u2019s four attributes to empathy:\r\n
    \r\n \t
  1. The ability to see the world through another person\u2019s perspective<\/li>\r\n \t
  2. Staying out of judgment<\/li>\r\n \t
  3. Paying attention to, and doing our best to understand another person\u2019s emotions<\/li>\r\n \t
  4. Communicating your understanding of that person\u2019s feelings<\/li>\r\n<\/ol>\r\n<\/div>\r\nIf we drain our \u201cempathy account\u201d without healthy self-nourishment practices, we can become emotionally exhausted.In other words, if we take on other people\u2019s pain without healthy emotional boundaries, we run the risk of overextending ourselves.\r\n\r\nWe must remember that it\u2019s not possible to take away someone else\u2019s pain. We can listen and bear witness to someone\u2019s pain, but we have limitations to what we can do. If we continue to take on too much, over time we will find ourselves shutting down. That might look like distancing ourselves from listening to people\u2019s struggles because it is just too much to bear. We may find ourselves pulling away because we can\u2019t handle the difficult feelings. No human can handle taking on the pain of everyone around them.\r\n\r\nPracticing compassion while taking care of your emotional needs is very important in your peer support role.\r\n

    Self-Determination<\/h1>\r\nLet\u2019s review the core value of self-determination and consider its intersection with boundaries:<\/em>\r\n
      \r\n \t
    • Self-determination is the right to make one\u2019s own decisions and have freedom from coercion.<\/li>\r\n \t
    • We support the facilitation and creation of an environment where people can feel free to tap into their inner motivation.<\/li>\r\n \t
    • Peer support workers don\u2019t fix or save. We acknowledge and hold space for resilience and inner wisdom.<\/li>\r\n<\/ul>\r\nWhen we support someone\u2019s self-determination, we choose to shine a light on their inner resources so they can tap into their intrinsic motivation. It is not our job to fix or save anyone. When we effectively support someone else\u2019s self-determination, a benefit for us is that it creates a healthy boundary, because we don\u2019t take on the responsibility of fixing someone else\u2019s problem.\r\n\r\nWe can learn to be empathetic and compassionate AND have boundaries that support our own well-being!<\/strong>\r\n\r\nIn the Greater Good UC Berkeley article called Just One Thing: Be at Peace with the Pain of Others <\/em>(2014), Dr. Rick Hanson says the following in regards to doing what we can within our limitations:\r\n
      Let the pain of the other person wash through you. Don\u2019t resist it. Opening your heart, finding compassion \u2013 the sincere wish that a being not suffer \u2013 will lift and fuel you to bear the other\u2019s pain. We long to feel received by others; turn it around: your openness to another person, your willingness to be moved, is one of the greatest gifts you can offer\u2026Do what you can\u2014and know that you have done it, which brings a peace. And then, face the facts of your limitations, another source of peace\u2026When you recognize this truth, it is strangely calming. You still care about the other person, and you do what you can, but you see that this pain and its causes are a tiny part of a larger and mostly impersonal whole\u2026This recognition of the whole\u2014the whole of one person\u2019s life, of the past emerging into the present, of the natural world, of physical reality altogether\u2014tends to settle down the neural networks in the top middle of the brain that ruminate and agitate. It also tends to activate and strengthen neural networks on the sides of the brain that support spacious mindfulness, staying in the present, taking life less personally\u2014and with those changes come a growing sense of peace.<\/blockquote>\r\nHanson is saying that when we recognize that we can\u2019t fix or save anyone else, it creates a sense of peace within us. We are effectively creating an emotionally healthy boundary that supports our own sense of peace. With this recognition, we don\u2019t take on too much because we recognize that as a peer support worker, we are in someone\u2019s life for just a short season. We can come alongside, listen, bear witness to their struggle, while not taking it on.\r\n\r\nWhen we establish this boundary, our capacity for empathy grows!","rendered":"

      As we\u2019ve discussed, a lack of boundaries opens us up to burn out, compassion fatigue, and disconnection with others while holding strong emotional boundaries and nourishing our own well-being leads to a greater capacity for compassion and empathy.<\/p>\n

      Empathy<\/h1>\n
      \n

      In her book I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn\u2019t) <\/em>(2007), Brene\u0301 Brown references nursing scholar Teresa Wiseman\u2019s four attributes to empathy:<\/p>\n

        \n
      1. The ability to see the world through another person\u2019s perspective<\/li>\n
      2. Staying out of judgment<\/li>\n
      3. Paying attention to, and doing our best to understand another person\u2019s emotions<\/li>\n
      4. Communicating your understanding of that person\u2019s feelings<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<\/div>\n

        If we drain our \u201cempathy account\u201d without healthy self-nourishment practices, we can become emotionally exhausted.In other words, if we take on other people\u2019s pain without healthy emotional boundaries, we run the risk of overextending ourselves.<\/p>\n

        We must remember that it\u2019s not possible to take away someone else\u2019s pain. We can listen and bear witness to someone\u2019s pain, but we have limitations to what we can do. If we continue to take on too much, over time we will find ourselves shutting down. That might look like distancing ourselves from listening to people\u2019s struggles because it is just too much to bear. We may find ourselves pulling away because we can\u2019t handle the difficult feelings. No human can handle taking on the pain of everyone around them.<\/p>\n

        Practicing compassion while taking care of your emotional needs is very important in your peer support role.<\/p>\n

        Self-Determination<\/h1>\n

        Let\u2019s review the core value of self-determination and consider its intersection with boundaries:<\/em><\/p>\n

          \n
        • Self-determination is the right to make one\u2019s own decisions and have freedom from coercion.<\/li>\n
        • We support the facilitation and creation of an environment where people can feel free to tap into their inner motivation.<\/li>\n
        • Peer support workers don\u2019t fix or save. We acknowledge and hold space for resilience and inner wisdom.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

          When we support someone\u2019s self-determination, we choose to shine a light on their inner resources so they can tap into their intrinsic motivation. It is not our job to fix or save anyone. When we effectively support someone else\u2019s self-determination, a benefit for us is that it creates a healthy boundary, because we don\u2019t take on the responsibility of fixing someone else\u2019s problem.<\/p>\n

          We can learn to be empathetic and compassionate AND have boundaries that support our own well-being!<\/strong><\/p>\n

          In the Greater Good UC Berkeley article called Just One Thing: Be at Peace with the Pain of Others <\/em>(2014), Dr. Rick Hanson says the following in regards to doing what we can within our limitations:<\/p>\n

          Let the pain of the other person wash through you. Don\u2019t resist it. Opening your heart, finding compassion \u2013 the sincere wish that a being not suffer \u2013 will lift and fuel you to bear the other\u2019s pain. We long to feel received by others; turn it around: your openness to another person, your willingness to be moved, is one of the greatest gifts you can offer\u2026Do what you can\u2014and know that you have done it, which brings a peace. And then, face the facts of your limitations, another source of peace\u2026When you recognize this truth, it is strangely calming. You still care about the other person, and you do what you can, but you see that this pain and its causes are a tiny part of a larger and mostly impersonal whole\u2026This recognition of the whole\u2014the whole of one person\u2019s life, of the past emerging into the present, of the natural world, of physical reality altogether\u2014tends to settle down the neural networks in the top middle of the brain that ruminate and agitate. It also tends to activate and strengthen neural networks on the sides of the brain that support spacious mindfulness, staying in the present, taking life less personally\u2014and with those changes come a growing sense of peace.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

          Hanson is saying that when we recognize that we can\u2019t fix or save anyone else, it creates a sense of peace within us. We are effectively creating an emotionally healthy boundary that supports our own sense of peace. With this recognition, we don\u2019t take on too much because we recognize that as a peer support worker, we are in someone\u2019s life for just a short season. We can come alongside, listen, bear witness to their struggle, while not taking it on.<\/p>\n

          When we establish this boundary, our capacity for empathy grows!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":123,"menu_order":12,"template":"","meta":{"pb_show_title":"on","pb_short_title":"","pb_subtitle":"","pb_authors":[],"pb_section_license":""},"chapter-type":[],"contributor":[],"license":[],"class_list":["post-418","chapter","type-chapter","status-publish","hentry"],"part":94,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/peersupport\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters\/418","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/peersupport\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/peersupport\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/chapter"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/peersupport\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/123"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/peersupport\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters\/418\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":420,"href":"https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/peersupport\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters\/418\/revisions\/420"}],"part":[{"href":"https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/peersupport\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/parts\/94"}],"metadata":[{"href":"https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/peersupport\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters\/418\/metadata\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/peersupport\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=418"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"chapter-type","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/peersupport\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapter-type?post=418"},{"taxonomy":"contributor","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/peersupport\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/contributor?post=418"},{"taxonomy":"license","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/peersupport\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/license?post=418"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}