{"id":48,"date":"2022-03-21T19:08:18","date_gmt":"2022-03-21T23:08:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/peersupport\/?post_type=chapter&p=48"},"modified":"2022-03-23T15:16:18","modified_gmt":"2022-03-23T19:16:18","slug":"working-through-big-feelings","status":"publish","type":"chapter","link":"https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/peersupport\/chapter\/working-through-big-feelings\/","title":{"raw":"Working Through Big Feelings","rendered":"Working Through Big Feelings"},"content":{"raw":"Sometimes we find ourselves swimming in big feelings, ruminating on a challenging situation, or even just feeling a little dark and gloomy.. Being stuck in this feels awful and overwhelming, but we can move through it if we are intentional. Let\u2019s look at moving through big feelings.\r\n
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  1. Notice the Feeling<\/a><\/li>\r\n \t
  2. Label the Feeling<\/a><\/li>\r\n \t
  3. Choose to Feel It (Without Rumination)<\/em><\/a><\/li>\r\n \t
  4. Offer kindness to yourself<\/a><\/li>\r\n \t
  5. If You Are Stuck\u2013Disrupt<\/a><\/li>\r\n \t
  6. Deconstruct the Feeling \u2013 Get Curious<\/a><\/li>\r\n<\/ol>\r\n<\/div>\r\nNow let\u2019s look at each of these a little closer. Feel free to use this as a tool when you are working through some big feelings.\r\n

    <\/a>1. Notice the Feeling<\/h1>\r\nOften we go through our days without paying attention to our feelings. We might just feel gross, or bad, but we don\u2019t stop to really notice what it is.\r\n\r\nWe can sometimes feel detached from our bodies. Noticing the feeling means noticing what is happening in your body. Pay attention to each part of your body from your head to your toes. What do you notice? Where does the feeling or discomfort show up for you?\r\n\r\nHow does your emotion feel in your body? Observe the feeling, without judging it. Just be ok with whatever is there.<\/em>\r\n

    <\/a>2. Label the Feeling<\/h1>\r\nA big piece of moving through a feeling is to figure out what exactly we are feeling. Give it a name. Be specific. If you are feeling sad, what is underneath the sadness? Is it disappointment, discouragement, grief?\r\n\r\nThis can be challenging if we have felt detached from our emotions for a long time. There are many good, free online resources that can support us to articulate what we are feeling; to find some good lists of feeling words, for example, you can do a search for \u201cfeelings wheel.\u201d For more on this, check out the work of emotions researcher Dr. Susan David. She has some great resources on her website (www.susandavid.com), as well as a book called \u201cEmotional Agility.\u201d\r\n\r\nYou can use this when you are feeling good too. Acknowledging and labelling the good feelings is helpful too!\r\n\r\nWhat feeling(s) are you noticing now?<\/em>\r\n

    <\/a>3. Choose to Feel It, Without Ruminating<\/h1>\r\nSit with the feeling. Don\u2019t run from it, distract yourself, or stuff it away. Just notice that it\u2019s there. It\u2019s also important to not ruminate on the feeling or slip into self-pity. Just allow the feeling to be there, without letting it define you.\r\n\r\nAs discussed earlier, it can be helpful to think of our feelings like the weather. Here in BC, we know the rain. Though we can be visited by the rain for many days in a row, we always know that it\u2019s not forever. The sun will return eventually. No weather is permanent. Weather, like the seasons, is always shifting. Sometimes when we are in the middle of winter, it can feel all-encompassing. But the rule of nature is that winter always <\/em>gives way to spring. This is the same with our feelings and emotions.\r\n\r\nAlso be aware of assigning value to your emotions. Emotions and feelings aren\u2019t intrinsically good or bad. They are just feelings. We can work with them, and they can guide us.\r\n\r\nOur feelings can offer great wisdom if we take the time to be with them.\r\n\r\nIn her book Love Warrior<\/em>, Glennon Doyle, an author who writes about her experiences with mental health and substance use struggles, says:\r\n
    Perhaps pain was not a hot potato after all, but a traveling professor. Maybe instead of slamming the door on pain, I need to throw open the door wide and say, Come in. Sit down with me. And don\u2019t leave until you\u2019ve taught me what I need to know. (2017)<\/blockquote>\r\n

    <\/a>4. Offer kindness to yourself<\/h1>\r\nWhat can you do to support yourself right now? What can you do to self-soothe?\r\n\r\nSelf-soothing for babies and children shows up with pacifiers, blankets and stuffies. These things are a normal part of childhood, yet as we get older self-soothing practices seem to become much less important to us. Even though self-soothing is still a very important part of emotional regulation, and emotional intelligence.\r\n\r\nConsider your senses. What can you do to self-soothe in the moment?<\/em>\r\n\r\n\"self\r\n

    <\/a>5. If You Are Stuck-Disrupt<\/h1>\r\nAfter identifying the feeling, feeling it and sitting with it, it may be a good idea to disrupt the feeling. Especially if it\u2019s an extra sticky feeling, and we are ready to move past it. Anything we can do to disrupt our tendency to ruminate is helpful. Inertia means that we continue to move in the direction we are currently moving in. So when we are moving in a direction we don\u2019t want to continue in, we need to disrupt it!\r\n\r\nThe process of disrupting a feeling can be very simple. Just choose something different. You can choose anything from exercise, getting outside, or changing your location. Whatever you choose, do it with an intention to disrupt. Choosing to be mindful of our thoughts and actions is helpful.\r\n\r\nWhat are some things you can do to disrupt your feelings of rumination?<\/em>\r\n

    <\/a>6. Deconstruct the Feeling \u2013 Get Curious<\/h1>\r\nThis phase is about getting curious. We know that curiosity can calm the nervous system, and that it supports the calming of the sympathetic nervous system. When we deconstruct our feelings, it means we ask ourselves questions about our feelings. Questions like:\r\n