{"id":101,"date":"2022-03-02T12:42:48","date_gmt":"2022-03-02T17:42:48","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/studentsuicideawareness\/chapter\/maintaining-boundaries\/"},"modified":"2022-03-28T17:07:19","modified_gmt":"2022-03-28T21:07:19","slug":"maintaining-boundaries","status":"publish","type":"chapter","link":"https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/studentsuicideawareness\/chapter\/maintaining-boundaries\/","title":{"raw":"Maintaining Boundaries","rendered":"Maintaining Boundaries"},"content":{"raw":"<div class=\"textbox\">This section looks at how participants can maintain boundaries when supporting a student in crisis. It also emphasizes the importance of self-care after a difficult conversation.<\/div>\n<div class=\"h5p\">\n\n[h5p id=\"9\"]\n\n<em>These slides are available for use with this section of the presentation. For information about downloading presentation slides, see <a href=\"\/studentsuicideawareness\/front-matter\/introduction\/\">Introduction<\/a>.<\/em>\n\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"pdf\"><img class=\"aligncenter wp-image-98\" src=\"https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/peersupport\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/392\/2022\/03\/Slide53-1.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\"><\/div>\n<h1>Recognize What You Can and Can\u2019t Do<\/h1>\nWhen helping someone, it can be difficult to maintain your own boundaries. It\u2019s important to recognize what you can and can\u2019t do, given the limitations of your role, and be clear with others about that.\n\nWhile you can be an empathetic listener and help connect a student with the proper resources, you are never expected to take on the role of a counsellor or to \u201cfix\u201d a person. There are services and supports to help a student at risk of suicide.\n\nIt is very stressful when a person asks you not to tell anyone. Remember that you can reach out for help if you are concerned for a person\u2019s safety \u2013 even if they have asked you not to tell anyone.\n\nTo conclude your conversation, let the person know you are glad they talked to you. You could say:\n<ul>\n \t<li>\u201cI\u2019m glad you told me\u2026\u201d<\/li>\n \t<li>\u201cI can\u2019t do that, but I can do this\u2026\u201d<\/li>\n \t<li>\u201cI\u2019m happy you chose to talk to me, and we need to talk about a transition plan because I\u2019m not a counsellor. I\u2019m struggling here because this is out of my depth. The best way I know how to deal with this is to talk to a counsellor.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\nThe conversation does not have to be a long one. By listening and referring a person to a counsellor or professional who can help, you could be making a big difference to this person who needs to know that someone hears them.\n\nIf you are living with someone\u00a0or have a close friend who is in crisis or considering suicide, it can be very difficult to establish and maintain healthy boundaries. You may want to seek professional support to ensure that you don\u2019t become overwhelmed.\n<h1>Remember FAIR to Help Maintain Boundaries<\/h1>\n<div class=\"pdf\"><img class=\"aligncenter wp-image-99\" src=\"https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/peersupport\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/392\/2022\/03\/Slide54-1.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\"><\/div>\n\u201cFAIR\u201d is a good word to help you determine when you are outside of your boundaries and need more support. FAIR stands for fear, anger, ignorance, and responsibility and resentment.[footnote]Adapted from <a class=\"external\" href=\"https:\/\/www.ryerson.ca\/student-wellbeing\/counselling\/faculty-staff\/encountering-behavior\/\">Encountering Concerning Behaviour on Campus<\/a>, Ryerson University.[\/footnote] Get advice and support if these four conditions apply:\n<ul>\n \t<li>Fear: You feel afraid of what a person may do to themselves or others.<\/li>\n \t<li>Anger: Feeling angry is a sign that you need to take a step back.<\/li>\n \t<li>Ignorance: You don\u2019t know what more you can do for the person.<\/li>\n \t<li>Responsibility and resentment: You are starting to resent the responsibility you have taken on for the person.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\nPlease keep in mind that we are not responsible for the decisions that someone else makes. Suicide is ultimately a personal choice \u2013 it is not our job to \u201csave\u201d someone else\u2019s life, only to offer them other options.\n<h1>Self-Care After a Difficult Conversation<\/h1>\n<div class=\"pdf\"><img class=\"aligncenter wp-image-100\" src=\"https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/peersupport\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/392\/2022\/03\/Slide55-1.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\"><\/div>\nTalking about suicide can be emotionally draining, and we need to take care of ourselves. After a difficult conversation, ask yourself:\n<ul>\n \t<li>Have I let this go?<\/li>\n \t<li>Am I okay with this?<\/li>\n \t<li>Is there anything I need to do?<\/li>\n \t<li>Am I feeling overwhelmed and should I talk to a counsellor?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\nYou can reach out to counselling services at your campus or call one of the crisis lines. Counsellors or staff who answer the crisis lines are available to talk to anyone supporting another person in crisis and can advise you on what to do.\n\nTell yourself: \u201cI have done everything I can for this person.\u201d\n\nKnow your limits and ask for help if you feel overwhelmed; you are not responsible for solving the person\u2019s problems on your own.","rendered":"<div class=\"textbox\">This section looks at how participants can maintain boundaries when supporting a student in crisis. It also emphasizes the importance of self-care after a difficult conversation.<\/div>\n<div class=\"h5p\">\n<div id=\"h5p-9\">\n<div class=\"h5p-iframe-wrapper\"><iframe id=\"h5p-iframe-9\" class=\"h5p-iframe\" data-content-id=\"9\" style=\"height:1px\" src=\"about:blank\" frameBorder=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" title=\"Maintaining Boundaries\"><\/iframe><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<p><em>These slides are available for use with this section of the presentation. For information about downloading presentation slides, see <a href=\"\/studentsuicideawareness\/front-matter\/introduction\/\">Introduction<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"pdf\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-98\" src=\"https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/peersupport\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/392\/2022\/03\/Slide53-1.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\" srcset=\"https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/studentsuicideawareness\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/392\/2022\/03\/Slide53-1.jpg 1280w, https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/studentsuicideawareness\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/392\/2022\/03\/Slide53-1-300x169.jpg 300w, https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/studentsuicideawareness\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/392\/2022\/03\/Slide53-1-1024x576.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/studentsuicideawareness\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/392\/2022\/03\/Slide53-1-768x432.jpg 768w, https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/studentsuicideawareness\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/392\/2022\/03\/Slide53-1-65x37.jpg 65w, https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/studentsuicideawareness\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/392\/2022\/03\/Slide53-1-225x127.jpg 225w, https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/studentsuicideawareness\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/392\/2022\/03\/Slide53-1-350x197.jpg 350w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 500px) 100vw, 500px\" \/><\/div>\n<h1>Recognize What You Can and Can\u2019t Do<\/h1>\n<p>When helping someone, it can be difficult to maintain your own boundaries. It\u2019s important to recognize what you can and can\u2019t do, given the limitations of your role, and be clear with others about that.<\/p>\n<p>While you can be an empathetic listener and help connect a student with the proper resources, you are never expected to take on the role of a counsellor or to \u201cfix\u201d a person. There are services and supports to help a student at risk of suicide.<\/p>\n<p>It is very stressful when a person asks you not to tell anyone. Remember that you can reach out for help if you are concerned for a person\u2019s safety \u2013 even if they have asked you not to tell anyone.<\/p>\n<p>To conclude your conversation, let the person know you are glad they talked to you. You could say:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>\u201cI\u2019m glad you told me\u2026\u201d<\/li>\n<li>\u201cI can\u2019t do that, but I can do this\u2026\u201d<\/li>\n<li>\u201cI\u2019m happy you chose to talk to me, and we need to talk about a transition plan because I\u2019m not a counsellor. I\u2019m struggling here because this is out of my depth. The best way I know how to deal with this is to talk to a counsellor.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>The conversation does not have to be a long one. By listening and referring a person to a counsellor or professional who can help, you could be making a big difference to this person who needs to know that someone hears them.<\/p>\n<p>If you are living with someone\u00a0or have a close friend who is in crisis or considering suicide, it can be very difficult to establish and maintain healthy boundaries. You may want to seek professional support to ensure that you don\u2019t become overwhelmed.<\/p>\n<h1>Remember FAIR to Help Maintain Boundaries<\/h1>\n<div class=\"pdf\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-99\" src=\"https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/peersupport\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/392\/2022\/03\/Slide54-1.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\" srcset=\"https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/studentsuicideawareness\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/392\/2022\/03\/Slide54-1.jpg 1280w, https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/studentsuicideawareness\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/392\/2022\/03\/Slide54-1-300x169.jpg 300w, https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/studentsuicideawareness\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/392\/2022\/03\/Slide54-1-1024x576.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/studentsuicideawareness\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/392\/2022\/03\/Slide54-1-768x432.jpg 768w, https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/studentsuicideawareness\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/392\/2022\/03\/Slide54-1-65x37.jpg 65w, https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/studentsuicideawareness\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/392\/2022\/03\/Slide54-1-225x127.jpg 225w, https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/studentsuicideawareness\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/392\/2022\/03\/Slide54-1-350x197.jpg 350w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 500px) 100vw, 500px\" \/><\/div>\n<p>\u201cFAIR\u201d is a good word to help you determine when you are outside of your boundaries and need more support. FAIR stands for fear, anger, ignorance, and responsibility and resentment.<a class=\"footnote\" title=\"Adapted from Encountering Concerning Behaviour on Campus, Ryerson University.\" id=\"return-footnote-101-1\" href=\"#footnote-101-1\" aria-label=\"Footnote 1\"><sup class=\"footnote\">[1]<\/sup><\/a> Get advice and support if these four conditions apply:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Fear: You feel afraid of what a person may do to themselves or others.<\/li>\n<li>Anger: Feeling angry is a sign that you need to take a step back.<\/li>\n<li>Ignorance: You don\u2019t know what more you can do for the person.<\/li>\n<li>Responsibility and resentment: You are starting to resent the responsibility you have taken on for the person.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Please keep in mind that we are not responsible for the decisions that someone else makes. Suicide is ultimately a personal choice \u2013 it is not our job to \u201csave\u201d someone else\u2019s life, only to offer them other options.<\/p>\n<h1>Self-Care After a Difficult Conversation<\/h1>\n<div class=\"pdf\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-100\" src=\"https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/peersupport\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/392\/2022\/03\/Slide55-1.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\" srcset=\"https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/studentsuicideawareness\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/392\/2022\/03\/Slide55-1.jpg 1280w, https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/studentsuicideawareness\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/392\/2022\/03\/Slide55-1-300x169.jpg 300w, https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/studentsuicideawareness\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/392\/2022\/03\/Slide55-1-1024x576.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/studentsuicideawareness\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/392\/2022\/03\/Slide55-1-768x432.jpg 768w, https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/studentsuicideawareness\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/392\/2022\/03\/Slide55-1-65x37.jpg 65w, https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/studentsuicideawareness\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/392\/2022\/03\/Slide55-1-225x127.jpg 225w, https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/studentsuicideawareness\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/392\/2022\/03\/Slide55-1-350x197.jpg 350w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 500px) 100vw, 500px\" \/><\/div>\n<p>Talking about suicide can be emotionally draining, and we need to take care of ourselves. After a difficult conversation, ask yourself:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Have I let this go?<\/li>\n<li>Am I okay with this?<\/li>\n<li>Is there anything I need to do?<\/li>\n<li>Am I feeling overwhelmed and should I talk to a counsellor?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>You can reach out to counselling services at your campus or call one of the crisis lines. Counsellors or staff who answer the crisis lines are available to talk to anyone supporting another person in crisis and can advise you on what to do.<\/p>\n<p>Tell yourself: \u201cI have done everything I can for this person.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Know your limits and ask for help if you feel overwhelmed; you are not responsible for solving the person\u2019s problems on your own.<\/p>\n<hr class=\"before-footnotes clear\" \/><div class=\"footnotes\"><ol><li id=\"footnote-101-1\">Adapted from <a class=\"external\" href=\"https:\/\/www.ryerson.ca\/student-wellbeing\/counselling\/faculty-staff\/encountering-behavior\/\">Encountering Concerning Behaviour on Campus<\/a>, Ryerson University. <a href=\"#return-footnote-101-1\" class=\"return-footnote\" aria-label=\"Return to footnote 1\">&crarr;<\/a><\/li><\/ol><\/div>","protected":false},"author":123,"menu_order":4,"template":"","meta":{"pb_show_title":"on","pb_short_title":"","pb_subtitle":"","pb_authors":[],"pb_section_license":""},"chapter-type":[],"contributor":[],"license":[],"class_list":["post-101","chapter","type-chapter","status-publish","hentry"],"part":62,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/studentsuicideawareness\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters\/101","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/studentsuicideawareness\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/studentsuicideawareness\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/chapter"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/studentsuicideawareness\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/123"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/studentsuicideawareness\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters\/101\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":128,"href":"https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/studentsuicideawareness\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters\/101\/revisions\/128"}],"part":[{"href":"https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/studentsuicideawareness\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/parts\/62"}],"metadata":[{"href":"https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/studentsuicideawareness\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters\/101\/metadata\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/studentsuicideawareness\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=101"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"chapter-type","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/studentsuicideawareness\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapter-type?post=101"},{"taxonomy":"contributor","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/studentsuicideawareness\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/contributor?post=101"},{"taxonomy":"license","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/opentextbc.ca\/studentsuicideawareness\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/license?post=101"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}